Quick one.

Ok, quick check. Obviously, my life currently lacks purpose and discipline. Gravely disappointed but, oh well. For now what matters most is that I survive the coming week. AHHHH!

Never forget that you are wonderfully created, greatly blessed and abundantly loved.

To me, it is this way.

Knowledge can be trouble. The more I know, the more I sense trouble, the less hope I see. It brings this insecurity and emptiness to me. When I asked for knowledge I never expected it to be this way. Perhaps sometimes foolishness and blissful ignorance is better. If I had stayed with the mind of a mere child, maybe that would have worked out. Lord, when I prayed for wisdom, I expected acceptance to be gifted as well. But maybe that's the part I have to fulfill on my own. To defeat my very own human desire. 

I know I am an impatient youth, whose greatest strength cannot even compare to your weakest moment. But yet, you loved me so my Lord. And so you remind me, that I have been using my human mind which can only comprehend human knowledge. Your mighty works are vastly superior. I can only wait, and surrender myself with childlike faith. 

It's been 3 months.

Hey there, I wonder if somewhere, somehow, you're able to know what we're going through right now. How much I wish you didn't have to leave, but we all aren't given a choice, are we? I pray you're in some place better, I won't know till I get there myself. Truthfully, I've let go of all pain and regret from 3 months ago. Right now what hurts me is seeing the aftermath. 

You know, he hasn't recovered. He claims it's behind him, but I guess I know better. I find myself constantly wondering if he would be in this state, had you never left. Brings grief and hopelessness when I see him in that pathetic state. What troubles me the most is how he's able to mask all of it. I'm not sure why I'm writing this here anyway, as if I would expect a reply :/ Either way, I'm still praying a miracle will turn him back around.

About that other him, I can't say he's even near getting over, but he is getting on. Inside he's still hurting, but I'm glad he voices it. I've come to realize how much I really know the guy, how similar to myself he is. I know he'll make it through, even though a part of him has been lost, he'll find the will to strive. 

As for her, I'm in not much of a position to say. Of course she misses you the most, but she's strong. Real tough. Wish there was more for me to say, but sadly not.

Your good friends and the ones I care for so much. Obviously, I miss you too, but no worries. I know what must be done, more or less I know what you would have wanted too anyway. Metal is forged by fire. 

My Awesome Mind

When I really need a voice. Someone, anyone, to hear. When I really need a comforting presence, for my tears without reason. When I need an ear, to sort my confusion. The unique sense of loneliness, longing just to be wanted. Sometimes, I understand and am able to empathize, to feel what it is you've been through, what you're going through. This mighty force which overwhelms, seemingly overpowering even the strongest of my will. Like a soldier who gives up fighting for his life, when he hears the trumpet sounding retreat on a battlefield close to home. The battle took everything worth living for, and left only pointless blood shed. You can't live fighting someone else's war. 

Cause' I love you so

Bumblebee

It's funny cuz it's awesome :D 

REVIEW TIME !!!

Transformers 2 : Revenge of the fallen

+3 rating : Great action sequences, although rather similar to the first movie. Introduction of more transformers, providing more variety. Visual effects were awesome. 

-2 rating : Confusing plot, lacked purpose. Brief introduction of characters, causing confusion over who was good and who was bad. Most of the show was just run and gun. 

+2 rating : Megan Fox, Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, awesome looking cars and robots. Every boy's dream. 

Overall, well worth my $6

If you wanted me to, I'd do it. 

Why can't we be friends

Frankly speaking, during the holidays my brain has sort of died. I'm unable to think of anything productive to blog about. Or perhaps simply lazy to. Oh well, maybe a lack of inspiration would be at fault.

Lord, please never ever let me grow old and frail. At least let me die peacefully in my sleep never having to, make use of adult diapers, lose my memory, live in an old folks home or lose all my hair. Visiting the hospital today was depressing, looking at the state of the people in there. Lying there with nothing to do, little to hope for. One of my greatest fears would be uselessness. I never want to become a burden, an unproductive human being, barely alive. My aim is to save up enough in my working years, never have to fully rely on my children to support me, die when I've completed my life's purpose, and leave my children enough but not too much for inheritance. Yupp, that would be pretty great. 

I know this sounds pretty pathetic.

Come to think of it, if I do have a 'best friend' right now, it would probably be this very blog you're reading. Everything that troubles me is spilt out here, every record of my doings and activities for as far as I care to mention, are here. When I'm bored, I blog. When I'm lonely, I blog. 

Been feeling an increasing sense of loneliness recently. Probably holiday sickness, but yet, it's different.

"If you wanna cry, I'll punch you! 

If you're hungry, bite me!"

- From the script of 'The Seventeen Year Old Virgin'

As Always

Honestly...

There are facts I would rather avoid.

Knowledge has it's troubles.

I'm slow in getting the point.

I'm left with simple reasons that bring large consequence.

I've given up fighting on all fronts.

Wisdom does not operate alone.

Joy keeps me alive.

Growing up is a heck of a complicated thing. You start questioning things. Knowledge becomes malleable, it brings about confusion. Sometimes it's best to stick to child-like faith. To simply believe with no questions asked. To trust in what you do not see, to hope in what you do not know. But I still keep holding on, refusing to sacrifice and entrust. And then I find myself standing upon broken promises of difference. 

Joy has no cost and infinite value. 

With regret in my heart...

I'm off again. To school this time, I know my blog has lacked my usual kind of post for a while, but been too busy. Miss me, people. I'm so depressed I got no tags D: Where'd you fun people go!?!?! 

Be back tuesday evening. Shooting camp, wish me luck! :D

Seriously, I miss you people.

Win it, for the world.

Choices, deduction, luck, opportunity, difference. 

In all honesty I sometimes find it impossible to choose what's right

3 days later.

It's the 3rd day now, and I'm sad it could last no longer. 

I'm back from kelong. Gotta say, it was more fun and eventful than I expected. 

Hmm, started well, the food was fine, the fish caught were reasonably sized, the planks were sturdy, the bed soft enough. What more could I ask for? Of course the sun was sizzling, but the perfect sea 'breeze' totally made up for it. I think compared to the wind we get here in Singapore, the 'breeze' there is more like hurricane winds. 

Had a rather bleak outlook when I saw who I had for company, but turns out they were all fun and everything was great :) hours spent spamming bride. Especially enjoyed the first night where we just sat around, enjoyed the wind and talked. How much I miss the old days and the old friends. 

Hmmm the toilets were quite disgusting but I survived and I'm back to hot showers and pressurized water, thank God. 

Oh yes, I got tanner, hooray! With minimal burn too, but I barely touched my book.

p.s. I LOVE MY MP3!!!!!!

BYE PEEPS

Ok, sorry I lost my daily updates habit, so here's one.

Dear diary,

I enjoyed today, although the cramps are totalllllyyy killing me. Seriously I'm not exaggerating when I say I can't walk and the pain's killing me. Life's good. Nothing much for me to say.

Pete

NOTE: PEEPS! I'm away from tomorrow till saturday morning/ afternoon. Love me, miss me, never leave me :D 

Hillsongs United- Yours Forever

The song is on youtube, go search it! totally rocks man. 

Say His Name within the darkest hour
And see His light illuminate our path
The road is narrow but our gaze is set
On the love of Christ ‘til the very end

We walk in the truth that overcame our sin
Leaving our past and how we once had lived
Giving our lives to see
Your Name made known
‘Cause the love of Christ is what the world needs most

So Lord
Lead us in the ways of Your love
To lead a broken world to Your cross
Lead us in the ways of Your love

We are Yours forever
Our lives won’t be the same
Yours forever our eyes won’t turn away
Yours forever

We sing Your praises ‘til our lungs give out
To the hope of the world
The One who gave us life
Giving our lives to see
Your Name made known
‘Cause the love of Christ is
What the world needs most

We are Yours forever
Our lives won’t be the same
Yours forever our eyes won’t turn away
Yours forever our lives won’t be the same
Yours forever our eyes won’t turn away

We’re living in the One who gave
His life to see our sin erased
We know
We know
Our hope is never gonna fade away

Yours Forever.

In all honesty, I do not know. My guesses only go this far, any further would be beyond my comprehension. What I've been doing thus far has been mere wishing. You see, the theory works this way. If you don't stick a leg out, it can't be shot off. Or so I choose to believe. But yet again, the logic is flawed, there must be more.

Typical, I know it but yet I choose blissful ignorance. And there must always be more, for being human I'll never know it all. But is this more meant for me?

Oh, by the by, franny is a real fun, awesome, cool, person who I totally enjoy chatting with on msn (she insisted that I write this :D)

It could all change in a moment, if you dared.

You only get one shot at life.

Time ain't ours to waste. 

Everyday is different. If you think carefully, living isn't actually all routines. Everyday there's some new little thing, even if it may be just a change of words perhaps, that isn't insignificant.

We've all only got one chance at life, so you gotta take it right. Everyone is unique, but that also makes everything the same. So we gotta find what defines us, and make it more obvious. Set yourself apart from the world, for all the right reason. There are 2 things you need to invest in, character and talent. Talent is needed to survive in the secular world, which we all cannot avoid. Character, that's to show the world you're different, you're better. 

Hey ling-fungi and belly, GET WELL SOON :D 

Qiaoyi, enjoy NDP yea :D:D for you know what reasons.

Dear diary, 

It's been a good week, yeap. Filled with disappointment and regret, I dare say. But yet, there's so much nice to counter that. Nothing much accomplished, probably due to the number of hours I spent at safra this week. Nothing much else has happened. Haha, I love.

pete

I miss you.

I'm starting to think if it could get any worse. You warned me before hand, but still I can't say it was what I expected. It was worse. Where did the boy I once knew disappear to? How much life can desperation steal from you before you chase it away. Or maybe it's something else, something more sinister. You tell me it's love, I say it's immature foolishness. You claim you'll never regret it, I beg to differ. If you do in fact never come to regret it, it will only be because you never got the chance to. 

WHY walk down the path marked with death and suffering, and on your own free will. 

Truthfully, I can't get you off my mind. Keeps me up at night. Sometimes I worry, other times I dream. Is it just me, or has so much changed? Circumstances permitting, I would have voiced my thoughts. 

When I think about love, I don't see some mushy sweet emotion. It's so much more. It requires commitment, passion, perseverance, sacrifice, genuine care, and selflessness. Loving is a way of living. 

Can't hide the facts and feelings.

Truthfully, I'm deeply disappointed in myself. I've got nothing to say now that it's over, but least I saved the tears for another day. 

Hmmm, I shan't lose hope and defeat myself. Not again. 

Life, a path of Truth.

Guided by Faith.

Made worthy with Joy

Refined by Discipline

Rewarded with Peace

Given meaning through Love

Past the great gates

Into the beauty of the inner gardens.

The sky may darken and thunder may roar,

But still I will sing, blessed be Your name.

When trouble descends and chaos erupts,

In You my trust will be.

Though the world may deceive and people betray,

With You the truth shall shine.

Jefferson Airplane

Dear diary, 

It's tomorrow! Time passes real quick. I can't say I'm ready to be the first but, I still gotta try my best. It'd be perfect if I managed to break at least one barrier tomorrow and beat myself. I'm being optimistic and this time I don't think I'll take defeat too lightly. Or at least I won't let myself get trashed. 

I have yet to carry out the plans I've had for this holiday, kinda disappointed in myself I guess. I've put on weight, oh no. Hmmmm, really starting to miss people and hanging out now. 

Pete

Busy bee.

Image, external and internal. The external image one portrays is always a reflection of what is on the inside, but the extent of this reflection and how much truth it shows is an entirely different matter. Only yourself, God and perhaps a select few can see the what's really inside. 

Our outward appearance matters a lot. Even though they always say that what you are inside is the most important, it is still undeniable that physical appearance determines the first impression. Our physical appearance is determined by the way we act, the way we dress, the words we say, our physique. How we look is what strangers always notice first, then the way we carry ourselves, and lastly they decipher for themselves what kind of person you are. 

I must stress the importance of taking care of one's own body. Not everyone is given a perfect figure, but we must do what we can to maintain a healthy and somewhat fit physical being. It gives the impression of someone who is responsible enough to keep a tab on their health and who is also physically capable of carrying out any necessary tasks. 

The way we carry ourselves. This is the easiest way of determining all the traits of a person. From self esteem to responsibility, our manners and speech show the world these characteristics. The smallest details like an uncertain smile or perhaps the dragging of feet, will be noticed and evaluated whether you like it or not. 

What we are outside must tally with who we are on the inside, or we'd be living a lie. Values don't build themselves. Each person must have clear black and white differentiation  when it comes to what is right and what is wrong. You must stand for something, if not you'll fall for everything. 

Be sure to build up on who you are and this will be reflected to the world around. Living a lie never works, so it's up to you to decide. 

I wonder... 

Hmm, busy me.

Ok, no time for a proper post. Just something to fill in the number of posts per month, and to not make it seem as if my blog has been forgotten :D Just that my weekend kinda busy yea, forgive me those who actually bother to read my blog. Oh ya, I love you guys who actually read, like really!

And another note to self (like really, note to SELF :D) Image. Discipline. Faithfulness. Humility.

I miss you people so bad :) 

Hi, again....

Alright, I'm here again because.... I got nothing else to do, my computer is laggy, and youtube hates me. Fine, I'm also feeling quite lost and helpless, but oh well. 

Hey hey, where'd your smile go?  What's over, we cannot change. I know I don't fully understand. But it pains me all the same. 

Sometimes all it takes is hard work.

Truthfully, do we treasure the things GIVEN to us as much as the stuff we EARN? When you go through the (sometimes painful) process of working for something, it somehow has more value to it. 

Pricelessness, perhaps it's because time can never be bought, or maybe we all believe our own effort is worth more than everything else this earth contains. Sure, when someone gives you something there may be sentimental value about it, but does this overpower the worthiness that overwhelms you when you gain something material or otherwise. 

I noticed the way I live is very much governed by this. Of course I enjoy the easy ways to stuff sometimes, but when I really want something, I put in my all to get it. In doing so, the original joy of completing the task or getting that certain something, gets amplified. Sometimes things have to be done the hard way, so you learn to treasure, to appreciate. So hardwork is justified.

Ok, I had something on my mind while typing this. The one or two who might know what that is, hehe sshhhhhhh :D

Looking back...

It's amazing how much I fail to notice how time changes the face of the world. It may be only 15 years and yet I'm able to look back, laugh, and remember the days... I wonder what it'll be when I'm 50. Now that's all in the past. Foolishness, childish desires, wishful thinking. But inside, everything has remained. That's the part of me that'll always stay. The dreams that will come true, by hook or by crook. What the world can never take from me. 

Hmmm when I'm too bored, I blog. As such, there'll probably be a spike in posts this month. hhmmmm

Just one moment will make a lifetime worth it.

It means the world to me. Everything I live for, every rule I live by. It's not something I'll drop in an instant. It gives me the peace of mind to crash through trouble. It gives me reason for everything good. It's how I see the beauty in the world. It's the only thing that gives power to outshine evil. It's simple, lasts for eternity, and is unchangeable. It's Agape. 

When all else fails, I still love.

Don't let go of hope.

Take some time, think about how much worse life would be if you didn't dare believe for something better. 

The world tells me that when I dream I'll only get disappointed.

The world tells me that when I love I'll only get hurt.

The world tells me life should be enjoyed this way and that.

The world tells me I'm wasting my time.

The world tells me my determination will amount to nothing.

I say otherwise.

Love knows not boundaries.

Dear diary,

It's back to haunt me yet again, oh confusion, my greatest nemesis. It's like reading a roadsign which points both ways. hmm perhaps that is what it is. 

It'll be a success, this holiday. I won't spend it complaining, or simply slacking. I'll get stuff done, and I'll enjoy doing it. Yupp, that's my goal. And I'm gonna reach it.

Pete

hey peeps

Away from today till tomorrow afternoon. No other updates for today :D don't miss me. Ok fine, I'm like talking to myself.... bla bla update coming tomorrow night. CIAO~

The world.

NOTE: The following passage will probably not make sense to many. This is not because you cannot understand stuff, but simply because the whole passage is about not understanding. 

The World. What exactly is it... The basic concept is indeed simple but this is only because we have condensed and simplified so much of it and in the process so much meaning has been lost.

 The earth, our physical world. Our social circles, the emotional world. And our mind, the psychological world. These are not at all simple. It doesn't take a genius to know that no person with infinite vocabulary or extreme gifts in understanding, would ever be able to define or explain our worlds. It's made up of connections, links, people... All of which can not be expressed by any human, animal nor computer ever created. The beginning and the end we cannot fantom or imagine, neither can we pre determine the course of everything.

However, this very complicatedness of our world, and our inability to ever understand it, does lead to only one conclusion. That the world is in fact, much to the contrary, simple. Amazing but quite true. For we will never be able to grasp the full depth of knowledge, what little we know and understand could therefore be argued to be a lot, and that simplifies the matter. To simply understand that we will never understand, makes the world a simple place.