THOU HATH MOVED

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My mountain top

That day changed it all. I stepped up to the peak I was so familiar with, but for such different reasons under such an extreme circumstance. It was my choice to take, one I could not afford to take lightly. From there I took in the view of my world once again, this time with a different agenda.

What now?
Was my simple question. Just two words, but with unspeakable significance. I stood unsure, awaiting the one answer to make or break. With every growing minute the wind bit deeper, unrelenting and unforgiving, but still my question was left hanging, eroding the edges of my patience and faith.

WHAT NOW?
I screamed, willing someone, something to reply my desperate cry. Hope seeped out of me with every breath, it felt like I was left on a distant battlefield, bleeding to death. I no longer had it within me to weep, no longer any reason to believe. From my mind, it became all to clear, there was only one path to take away the pain. A prisoner broken and defeated, no longer afraid of the prospect of the gallows. Each step felt surreal, simply too emotionless. Now I was right on the edge of the cliff with certain death awaiting below, was this truly the only solution?

Oh, you silly silly child. Have you forgotten?
That voice I knew so well, with its distinct firm tone yet filled with love and compassion never ending. It called out through the fog, enveloping me in a wave of comfort and assurance.
You have never been alone through this all, not even for a moment. For it is I who has never left you, and you who forgot Me. Everything, I let happen for a reason. Every problem carefully selected.

But, why? Why put me through all that pain when it was something I was never able to survive?

Because you were growing arrogant. You had forgotten your initial purpose, your shield and your attack. It is not that you are unable to conquer the problems, it is that you are unwilling to. To give up your selfish thoughts and rely on Me. Only with me will you have your strength. For alone your power is but so little, with me, there is no end to possibility. And you, you my dearest child, have misplaced your hope. Forgotten that it was love that first saved you, forgotten the love that sparked your fire, forgotten the sweet sweet joy that is your strength. Every obstacle I place before you is a challenge, not a dead end. Every circumstance requiring a new brand of faith. And I know you are ready for it, if only you trusted, If only you dared. 'For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'. And now fight, fight with a vigor renewed, because I'll never leave your side.

This time there was no stopping the tears, kneeling on that mountain top, regretting my foolishness. Within me my purpose, once lost, and now found. I'll hang on tight till the end of days.

The world needs no pity.

This world has an agenda, to destroy all traces of hope, love, joy and peace. Simply put, everything I live for. It's an outright war, no holds barred. Every weapon may be thrown against me and every curse muttered, but I won't give in. Before me is the greatest defence ever created, in my hand the most powerful weapon. But most importantly, within me, an everlasting fire. It may not be humanly possible to conquer every battle, but so long as the war is won.

My room.

That familiar mess. Everything's in the right spot, but it still looks unpleasant to the eye. The bookshelf full of memories, my earlier days. The feel of my thin mattress on the tough wood planks, not the softest bed in the world, but undoubtedly one that brings me my daily reserve. And of course the security of the bed above, defending me from the monsters up high. My faithful bedside fan, never failing to offer me some relief from the sweltering heat of tropical living, it's gentle comforting oscillations. the fading yellow of my three walls, not the sunny yellow they used to be, more like an off-white tone now. But still the green wall is my favorite. Like creamy green apples. And of course there's my source of entertainment, rarely failing to assist me in avoiding dreadful thoughts and at times giving me the concentration i so often need. My wardrobe, seeing how much is has changed and grown over the years together with me, probably one of the few things that has to constantly keep up with my life. The new aroma in the room, strawberries. Pleasant.

My take on the world.

My troubles in life have once again resurfaced. No, it's not that the world's crashing and all. It's just me, deviating from my chosen path. When I get too comfortable with my surroundings, when everything goes too smooth, I lower my defenses. 

I'm taking it all a little too lightly, shortchanging where I should not, compromising where it is dangerous. Responsibility has lost it's meaning. And that is only unfair to the rest of the world. 

The story of this boy's life is still on the production line and will not conclude just yet. 

I'd never trade it for anything.

There is nothing in this world I would rather have. 

For neither power nor money could be exchanged for my life. How much there is  for me to smile about. 

For there is none other I would rather live for

There is no other life I would rather have

There are no other friends I could ever hope to be with

There is no greater honor I could ever behold

There is nothing else I would have the patience for

This is me. 

I know only too well. Sometimes watching from afar is more than enough. Why not save yourself the trouble. From time to time I blame myself, but that would be pointless. After all the decision always seems right at first glance. But then you step back and you look, not unlike a movie. Then, then it truly is truth as simple as it gets. When things look too good to be true, look again. 

I don't take defeat easy.

Ok, let me state this clear out. I don't like being beaten. 

Hmmm I have yet to get my diary, I better do so soon and not continue wasting my bursts of inspiration. 

Don't make promises you can't afford to, avoid disappointing others.