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My mountain top

That day changed it all. I stepped up to the peak I was so familiar with, but for such different reasons under such an extreme circumstance. It was my choice to take, one I could not afford to take lightly. From there I took in the view of my world once again, this time with a different agenda.

What now?
Was my simple question. Just two words, but with unspeakable significance. I stood unsure, awaiting the one answer to make or break. With every growing minute the wind bit deeper, unrelenting and unforgiving, but still my question was left hanging, eroding the edges of my patience and faith.

WHAT NOW?
I screamed, willing someone, something to reply my desperate cry. Hope seeped out of me with every breath, it felt like I was left on a distant battlefield, bleeding to death. I no longer had it within me to weep, no longer any reason to believe. From my mind, it became all to clear, there was only one path to take away the pain. A prisoner broken and defeated, no longer afraid of the prospect of the gallows. Each step felt surreal, simply too emotionless. Now I was right on the edge of the cliff with certain death awaiting below, was this truly the only solution?

Oh, you silly silly child. Have you forgotten?
That voice I knew so well, with its distinct firm tone yet filled with love and compassion never ending. It called out through the fog, enveloping me in a wave of comfort and assurance.
You have never been alone through this all, not even for a moment. For it is I who has never left you, and you who forgot Me. Everything, I let happen for a reason. Every problem carefully selected.

But, why? Why put me through all that pain when it was something I was never able to survive?

Because you were growing arrogant. You had forgotten your initial purpose, your shield and your attack. It is not that you are unable to conquer the problems, it is that you are unwilling to. To give up your selfish thoughts and rely on Me. Only with me will you have your strength. For alone your power is but so little, with me, there is no end to possibility. And you, you my dearest child, have misplaced your hope. Forgotten that it was love that first saved you, forgotten the love that sparked your fire, forgotten the sweet sweet joy that is your strength. Every obstacle I place before you is a challenge, not a dead end. Every circumstance requiring a new brand of faith. And I know you are ready for it, if only you trusted, If only you dared. 'For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'. And now fight, fight with a vigor renewed, because I'll never leave your side.

This time there was no stopping the tears, kneeling on that mountain top, regretting my foolishness. Within me my purpose, once lost, and now found. I'll hang on tight till the end of days.

The world needs no pity.

This world has an agenda, to destroy all traces of hope, love, joy and peace. Simply put, everything I live for. It's an outright war, no holds barred. Every weapon may be thrown against me and every curse muttered, but I won't give in. Before me is the greatest defence ever created, in my hand the most powerful weapon. But most importantly, within me, an everlasting fire. It may not be humanly possible to conquer every battle, but so long as the war is won.

My room.

That familiar mess. Everything's in the right spot, but it still looks unpleasant to the eye. The bookshelf full of memories, my earlier days. The feel of my thin mattress on the tough wood planks, not the softest bed in the world, but undoubtedly one that brings me my daily reserve. And of course the security of the bed above, defending me from the monsters up high. My faithful bedside fan, never failing to offer me some relief from the sweltering heat of tropical living, it's gentle comforting oscillations. the fading yellow of my three walls, not the sunny yellow they used to be, more like an off-white tone now. But still the green wall is my favorite. Like creamy green apples. And of course there's my source of entertainment, rarely failing to assist me in avoiding dreadful thoughts and at times giving me the concentration i so often need. My wardrobe, seeing how much is has changed and grown over the years together with me, probably one of the few things that has to constantly keep up with my life. The new aroma in the room, strawberries. Pleasant.

My take on the world.

My troubles in life have once again resurfaced. No, it's not that the world's crashing and all. It's just me, deviating from my chosen path. When I get too comfortable with my surroundings, when everything goes too smooth, I lower my defenses. 

I'm taking it all a little too lightly, shortchanging where I should not, compromising where it is dangerous. Responsibility has lost it's meaning. And that is only unfair to the rest of the world. 

The story of this boy's life is still on the production line and will not conclude just yet. 

I'd never trade it for anything.

There is nothing in this world I would rather have. 

For neither power nor money could be exchanged for my life. How much there is  for me to smile about. 

For there is none other I would rather live for

There is no other life I would rather have

There are no other friends I could ever hope to be with

There is no greater honor I could ever behold

There is nothing else I would have the patience for

This is me. 

I know only too well. Sometimes watching from afar is more than enough. Why not save yourself the trouble. From time to time I blame myself, but that would be pointless. After all the decision always seems right at first glance. But then you step back and you look, not unlike a movie. Then, then it truly is truth as simple as it gets. When things look too good to be true, look again. 

I don't take defeat easy.

Ok, let me state this clear out. I don't like being beaten. 

Hmmm I have yet to get my diary, I better do so soon and not continue wasting my bursts of inspiration. 

Don't make promises you can't afford to, avoid disappointing others. 

Brainstorm

Thankfulness. End of world. Joy. Patience. Peace. Youthfulness. Love. Wisdom. Troubles. 

That's just me thinking bout themes....

Honestly, I'm a perfectionist. I go out there with nothing but victory in mind. 

Undisputed?

Well looking at the results, it couldn't be more obvious, there is only one true champion :D

THANKS THANKS THANKS

1) To my very solid defence, 5 clean sheets? wow man.

2) The very nice and high supporters :) morale means a lot, and you guys sure showed us that. 

3) Of course, the rest of the team for playing the way we asked, where we asked, your effort, your skills. 11 Goal difference? Awesome.

4) The other teams for being absolutely sporting and fair. It was fun for us all. 

Get me a map

Cuz every time I bother to think my thoughts drift back to where they've always been. I don't perceive I would ever have my way. I don't hope for anything more. I don't believe in anything less. More often than not the tough decision is the right one. I'm just not prepared to take that one step that will set everything into motion. I fear falling back, I feel impeding failure. 

Waste life away.

Ok blogger's being really weird right now, but oh heck. I'll try to post anyway.

My life's becoming fun yet dead. Contradictory, yes I know. You see, now my day goes like this. Class, soccer, read book, sleep. Well add in the odd meal and random conversation here and there, but that's basically it! and then I've got absolutely no mood to do anything else after my tiring day of soccer. Not even shooting anymore. 

Oh bugger it, soccer craze will die out when exam period comes I suppose, somewhere else to channel my depleting energy.

Bend it

Rules rules rules. Troublesome. Pointless. Malleable.

Why not for this once, bend the rules for me. The test of authority is a tough one. Especially for me. Well for one, I am a stubborn teen. And I am one to seek logic , but for only as far as it may exist. Reasoning and justification is my game, and they don't play it well. 

Sometimes, it's way tough listening to authority. We all go through it from time to time. So how do we cope? How do we obey authority and trust in it even when we see no reason to? Quite simply, we can all just believe and have faith that whatever is imposed upon us is for our own good. However, anyone with a functioning brain doesn't quite work that way. 

Then, how else do we go about handling authority in our life? The answer is to challenge authority. However, caution must be observed while doing so. When you do so wish to challenge authority, there are a few conditions. One must be sincere, honest and willing to accept the final verdict. That's just the start of it, but I don't quite have the time to go too deep. 

Sincerity. Why? If you want to convince and audience to be persuaded by you, they must know that you mean all of what you say. Not just mean it, but believe totally that you are in the right and am not sitting on the fence. Obviously, do not do this to the extent where you denounce the opposition's or authority's reasoning without giving it proper thought. When someone sees how sincerely you feel for a cause, they would be more willing to sympathize with you and perhaps start to see things through your eyes. That would be most useful. 

Honesty. A case backed on lies is like building a bridge with biscuits. In order to ensure that you aren't caught off guard, tell only the truth. One simple fact, the truth shall set you free. Lying to gain sympathy can only backfire with overwhelming vengeance, not exactly very helpful when it comes to winning an argument. 

Lastly, being willing to accept the verdict whichever way it may go. Nobody ever likes a sore loser. Sure there would be disappointment, but if the law says so, what more can you do? This would also ensure you remain calm and composed, useful if you wish to return before the same authority again one day with your dignity and image in place. Life works in ways we do not understand, so just work with what you've got. Best to get on with it.

Old Friend

You know, I really really really really miss having a dog D: I miss Zoey already. Is that how her name is spelt? Don't matter, just that cute dog I was peeling GRAPES for just now, how nice of me. Dogs make great friends you know, when you got no friggin human to talk to. Ok, I guess right now I'm just rambling. Got loads on my mind and don't wanna think about it. LALALALA

Ok, right now I'm quite looking forward to debate and soccer. Some activity in my life.

Timing is everything.

Well there is a perfect plan for everything. Just when that plan will unfurl. life is tough, albeit enjoyable. All in good time, the pieces will fall into place. Or so I have faith. Things I hold dear.

From the castle Cair Paravel, and around the world. I need to live up to my name, my purpose. 

Huh?

Right now, when I'm here knocking, please open up. I'm looking for my best friend whom I've so badly neglected. 

You made me a promise, many in fact. Now please, I really need them. For I know nothing is impossible through the power of your love. Give me wings to soar like an eagle. Bring me back to the heart of worship, where peace will find me all over again. Let me never grow still and rusty. There's no place I'd rather be, no hope I'd rather have, no one I could have more faith in. 

I need a best friend. Stop living the life of a nomad. But it's now too much a part of me. Yet again it's not a problem of finding a solution, but rather embracing it. 

Perhaps perhaps

Right now what I really want is a break, to re-find my misplaced identity. Nope, I haven't lost it, just... momentarily forgotten. Time to rethink a bit, make some decisions on who what and when. I need a diary, I need a plan. Kinda feeling like the world's starting to leave me behind, and I'm wandering from place to place aimlessly. It's like looking for wood in a forest, it's all around you, but you can't get it. With all that I'm blessed with, is this the best I can do? No way. 

Nothing quite like the morning papers.

It's amazing how well reading captivates my emotions. I feel for the characters, I contemplate the situation. A love-hate relationship between myself and reading, sometimes there is such anger towards the characters that I just wanna put down the book, but yet, such excitement that I lose sleep over it. Amazing isn't it? Great authors. 

Absolute disgust towards these acts of terror. Why would anyone; or rather, how could anyone ever bring themselves to take lives in such a gruesome manner. Death in itself is painful enough but yet they have to make it worse. Is there no more sanity left in he who allows this carnage? Well, if that's what the world has come to, why not let the end of the world come a little earlier. Least it would save me the outburst of fury. Brainless losers, every last one of em'. 

Me like Puma

Retail therapy does work O.O

Well, I had a plan for my post today. But sadly, that plan's been forgotten. I'm not gonna talk about the fruits of the spirit, neither am I gonna talk about my day. So what else is there for me to say? 

So much truth in what you said just now, how there's a limit to how much we dare say. But still, I can't be bothered to note it down elsewhere. 

More or less, I keep myself distracted. More or less, I fail. Suspense kills I tell ya. 

Oh right, I LIKE PUMAAAAA :D woohoo

So I was right... it is that simple to leave another behind. Disgust,

I can't stop thinking about you.

My thoughts return to those days, 2 years ago, was it? I miss the voice, even if I've long since forgotten the words. I still do remember that one time you were so freaked out being alone at home, haha and I was laughing at you for thinking too much about the weird noises. I still remember how left out I felt when I learnt of the news at the start of yester-year, I thought you'd forgotten all about me. But then things changed and then it was ups and downs here and there. The more I think about it the more links I see. Him, her, them, we. Perhaps it was all pre determined. I can't go to sleep like that :/ 

I'll stay till the end even if it meant my life. 

That's just how it feels.

Fun should not mix with trouble. 

It's amazing how fat a guy can feel after 2 double cheese burgers and a pack of deep fried chicken... 

REVIEW!!!!

Harry Potter and the half-blood prince.

Personally, the movie was a flop. Lacked story, lacked action. Nothing much to say really. After the excitement of the previous films, this latest one was far below expectations. Many of the ideas were unlinked and that basically made the film seem like an unprofessional joining of short stories. Sure, the graphics were good, but after the repeated use of the same locations, it does get rather dry. 

Over all, not worth watching more than once. Wait for a friend's DVD or what not. 

This ain't how it's gonna stay right? I hope... 

To love and to hold

Dear diary,

Time passes real quick. Well, not that I just noticed but just saying. Troubles come and troubles go but hope remains the same. Ever so refreshing, ever so powerful. 

I had a rather interesting conversation conversation this morning, someone asked me the same question I've been asking myself this while and I didn't have an answer. It's like I'm feeling the effects but I know not the cause. I guess I'm a little paranoid sometimes, but aren't we all guilty of that. 

2 days of exercise is taking it's toll on me. But I do feel in a sense, more fit :D It's an accomplishment then, leave it at that. 

Yours faithfully,

Peter Pates

I just counted time today and got quite a shock. It's been smooth sailing with the random storm stuck in here and there, blame the damned weather. Love me, love me not, the sun shall rise. 

Left Outside

Meant to live for so much more; have we lost ourselves?

There once was a time.

There once was a time when death reigned

When kids ran down streets shrieking not in joy, but in fear

There once was a time when it rained not water, but blood and bullets

Tears ran dry, blood curdled

The world, a dollhouse run over with a bulldozer

Pleasure of evil man at the cost of everyone else 

Scenes flashing past, like in a sadistic silent movie 

Indifference, cruelty, torture, ignorance, disgust

But times change. 

Then there was a time, 

Like when rainbows appear after a storm

Like how flowers bloom when winter ends

The brown was no longer of rust but of chocolate

The red no longer of blood but of roses

The green no longer of decay but of new life

The dawn of a new age

One of hope

Putting smiles back where they belong

Powering the world with love

That time is coming. 

Sunday night blues.

Ok, I know this is different from my usual posts but I gotta share this with the world. 

I almost choked to death on my saturday night dinner! I ate my rice too fast and it got stuck in my throat for like 15-20 minutes? And I kept puking phlegm, disgusting amounts of it. Probably some natural survival instinct. But, that didn't help. In the end I was saved by gulping down a can of coca-cola  :D 

Oh oh, and I got a PINK polo tee. S size! Amazing eh, first time in years I can fit an S sized shirt and it's my first pink shirt!

Dear diary,

Firstly, it's monday again tomorrow. Darn it, gotta face the whole routine of a week of work and scoldings again. Well of course I can't complain about the fun and joy :D The week that was is now over, and all events linked with it. Of course, the thoughts will linger, but they're mostly sorted. 

I've been considering writing a letter, or perhaps quite a number of letters. If in the event that I should pass away suddenly, at least I'll leave a goodbye. While I'm safe and well it does sound rather foolish, but we can't be too sure of anything now can we? If I had the time to, perhaps I would. Well, of course I'll be hiding them somewhere to make sure no one finds out about it before the due time. 

With love,

Peter Pates Su

The curtains close for the last time.

Curtains, hmph. What hurts the most. When you've lost your favourite toy, sometimes you wish you never had it. 

When I spent time to think this week, I had an aim. To find a reason, to find a solution, to turn my hopelessness into a new determination all anew. I was convinced that being me, I was unbreakable. But then I've failed momentarily, I still see this wall set in front of me. 

There is one truth, one life, three paths, a dozen opportunities, and an infinite number of possibilities. I'm unable to value the consequences, I'm unable to decide. Just this once, could I use my lifeline?

When I look into the mirror.

Something's changed. I don't know when, what, how or why. And I don't like it. 

When I saw my reflection today, I didn't see myself. I saw a guy, not yet a man but yet not a boy anymore. His frown seemed sewn into place, as if it had never left his face. He didn't look like he gave a damn about the world around him. He looked selfish, and uncaring. The eyes, with that passive and cold glare. The lips, straight and taunt, like that of an old man who'd seen his share of death. The man in the mirror, unfriendly, unloving. Had he forgotten his reasons to smile? 

My life in exchange for the world, sounds fair.

Down the road of dreams I was not meant to walk. When I reach the end of the rainbow, my pot of gold is gone. 

Why am I always forgotten? Why am I always alone? Why am I always abandoned? Why is my pulse no longer racing anymore? 

Love can't be this way, It shouldn't hurt like that. I won't play their game. No more compromises, I'll make a stand today. 

They say there'll be someone out there for me. She's just a  little out of sight. With patience she'll one day be right here by my side. I'll wait for her, and do this right. 

- Excerpts from 'Discovering Me'. Lyrics and music by Walter Yong. 

If  I had to disappear for this world to be happy, I would. For what is the sacrifice of one person. I don't like being forgotten when the storm appears, even more I don't like being forgotten on fair weather days. When I had that conversation, I started thinking, have I deceived myself these past few months? Have I neglected myself?  When everything is going great, I celebrate alone. When the world is the wrong way up, I fight alone. It's been a long while since the last, but I'm still hanging tight to hope. I still feel all the same, for what may it be that I can do?

The Pursuit of Happyness.

It's the race of my life, part of it anyway. But perhaps, I latch on to it and let myself get dragged by it. When you start running, don't look back, not even for me. 

Oh, by the by. I, am NOT, trouble free. Just so the world knows. I've just got a way of dealing with it, hope you guys find your way soon. 

When troubles seem too big, look around. There's always something bigger :) 

Lemon Tree

I wonder why, I wonder how........ haha good ol' memories.

What may it be that brings about this change of mood? 

Thank you! and you, and you and you and you.

OK HERE GOES. 

Thank you Qiaoyi! Franny! Lingfang! and of course Denise Ling! For anything and everything. When one my random moody moments appear, heh! I ain't alone. 

Like this and like that.

Blah me. You know, when you feel the world is starting to overlook, it kinda sucks. Common mistake I suppose.

It's the simple things that turn stuff around. Truthfully, that's what brings a smile to my face everyday. It makes a difference to me :) 

I guess my greatest fear is that the world will turn on me. Inside me there's always been this nightmare where I've got no one to turn to, not a single friendly smile to lighten my mood. It's rejection I fear. But with this fear I've built myself, slowly learning to overcome. 

REVIEW!!!

One of my random reviews when I'm too bored and don't feel like doing my homework.

Plaza Market Cafe- Fairmont Singapore (Raffles city) 3/5 stars from peter!

It's the great singapore sales and Fairmont's Plaza Market Cafe is having a 1 for 1 buffet dinner discount. Great peranakan food at $55 for two, regularly $55 per head. 

The ambience of the restraunt was fine, tables weren't too close together, lights not too dim. Perfect for a family dinner. Presentation of the food was nothing too fancy and allowed space for taking food without the usual buffet queues. 

Although the main dishes did lack a little variety, the spread consisted of dishes rarely seen elsewhere and the flavours complemented each other nicely, nothing was too spicy, salty or sour. The buffet offered popular local favourites like roasted pork and mutton curry, amongst others. Of the meat dishes, only the mutton curry was notable and worthy of second helpings. As for soups, the pork soup had a light taste to it which reminded one of home, although it did lack visual appeal. 

As with any other over-rated hotel buffet, the Japanese selection boasted only the usual sashimi, sushi, soba and chawamushi ( steamed egg ). 

The seafood corner yet again had a pathetic variety, however, the prawns, crabs and oysters seemed relatively fresh and were of reasonable size. 

It being a buffet, I was rather surprised when I discovered that simple bread and butter was also available and was actually not a waste of stomach space. It was probably the butter that made consuming all that carbohydrates worth it at a buffet. Unsalted, yet not too bland, with a creamy texture which didn't feel oily to the throat. 

Despite the lack of substantial dishes, the dessert table would be a blast to anyone who bothered to have sweet treat from time to time. From durian puree to creme brule, I must say it made my trip worthwhile. The durian puree had a smooth texture and would please any self respecting duran lover with it's sweet yet mildly bitter taste, which surprisingly was not overpowering. The bread pudding was nothing particularly notable, however the custard cream sauce did complement it nicely. The various other cakes, kuehs and pastries together with pulut hitam, looked as delicious as they tasted. 

Service was efficient and therefore mostly unnoticeable, which is good when you don't like being interrupted during your dinner. On the whole, the dinner was worth it with the current offer. But on a regular day, the price would probably count as quite a rip-off. 

Wisdom is a gift.

Dear diary,

Currently feeling rather troubled. I feel more like 50 than 15. The way I don't understand the troubles of the people my age. The way their troubles sound so simple to solve. It leaves me perplexed. Is it simply me, or has the world really been existing in such a fog of evil? Every attempt I make to help seems to result in finding even more brick walls, deaf ears, blind eyes and hopeless hearts. 

I know I'm that way once in awhile, and I'm told that's just natural. To the world is it really a daily struggle? I'd rather not have to experience it myself, but if that's what it takes to understand, perhaps I should try. To simply let the troubles block my vision of the light bit by bit. To for as long as it requires, shut out all hope, all love and all forms of help from my life. I won't survive long, so how do they do it? I might find the answers that way, but I'd prefer an alternative solution. 

With much distress,

Pete

You can't hope to win just doing nothing!

Hmm, you gotta practice what you preach. Just hope I get a little closer to doing that. Imagining and experiencing is way way different. 

"Wish I had someone, and somewhere to go"

"Why do I even bother to try, No one's gonna notice me."

"I don't think I'm ready, to have someone to hold. I wanna listen to my heart, not the sayings of the world." 

"Looking back, I'm thankful I never gave in to the pressures of fitting in."

-From the lyrics of various songs featured in The 17 Year Old Virgin

Some lyrics speak what you mean, so well. 

Ever so often I find myself longing for a Cinderella in my life. Perhaps someone who will for once see me as a prince charming. Fairy tales, we still love them even though we know that in the world, plastic melts. If you get what I mean. Whoever you may be, wherever, know that I'll be faithful and true. Simply said, I've had my fair share of observing the world. As much as I would enjoy it, I understand that not everyday can be spent living the dream. Why? Because some days have to be spent creating that dream and building it up. Good stuff happens overnight, yes. But still, more good stuff requires more work time too. 

I've got no apologies for who I am and what I do. Sure regrets exist but, on the whole, I dare say I got my facts right. My game of patience is one I'm still learning to appreciate. Let's just say I've learnt the lesson, but sometimes get lazy of revising it. 

You can't hope to win, doing nothing!

THANK YOU GOD

Honestly, I didn't expect it to come even close to what it was. Everything went great, there was simply nothing to fault. The audience was a blast. Even all my imagination was not enough to foresee the actual outcome. What more could I have possibly hoped for? I didn't mix up, no one else did. 

"If velocity equals distance over time, then let velocity approach infinity, because I wanna spend eternity with you." - From the Script of The 17 Year Old Virgin.

When you look me in the eye.

Faith, hope and love. Of these, the greatest is love. But why? The answer is rather simple, if love is correctly understood. Love can bring about hope and faith. 

In my perspective, love has no conditions attached. That was how it was made, and that is how it should be. It does not need to be a two way thing. It's a commitment. Requiring genuine selflessness, undying persistence and perhaps courage. 

Why do I say this? When you love the people around you, it's a willful choice to be ready to sacrifice something for them. Be it time, emotions, wealth or who knows maybe even life itself. Loving someone isn't an on and off thing, not something you do when you feel the person deserves it, and forgetting it when the person has wronged you. You've got to care, to not mind giving up a bit of yourself for another, no matter the circumstance. 

This being said, dare you love? Do you have the courage to put others in a higher position of importance than yourself? 

I love You because You first loved me.

My provider, my comforter, my friend, my justice, my hope, my lord, my wisdom, my light, my love, my everything. 

Quick one.

Ok, quick check. Obviously, my life currently lacks purpose and discipline. Gravely disappointed but, oh well. For now what matters most is that I survive the coming week. AHHHH!

Never forget that you are wonderfully created, greatly blessed and abundantly loved.

To me, it is this way.

Knowledge can be trouble. The more I know, the more I sense trouble, the less hope I see. It brings this insecurity and emptiness to me. When I asked for knowledge I never expected it to be this way. Perhaps sometimes foolishness and blissful ignorance is better. If I had stayed with the mind of a mere child, maybe that would have worked out. Lord, when I prayed for wisdom, I expected acceptance to be gifted as well. But maybe that's the part I have to fulfill on my own. To defeat my very own human desire. 

I know I am an impatient youth, whose greatest strength cannot even compare to your weakest moment. But yet, you loved me so my Lord. And so you remind me, that I have been using my human mind which can only comprehend human knowledge. Your mighty works are vastly superior. I can only wait, and surrender myself with childlike faith. 

It's been 3 months.

Hey there, I wonder if somewhere, somehow, you're able to know what we're going through right now. How much I wish you didn't have to leave, but we all aren't given a choice, are we? I pray you're in some place better, I won't know till I get there myself. Truthfully, I've let go of all pain and regret from 3 months ago. Right now what hurts me is seeing the aftermath. 

You know, he hasn't recovered. He claims it's behind him, but I guess I know better. I find myself constantly wondering if he would be in this state, had you never left. Brings grief and hopelessness when I see him in that pathetic state. What troubles me the most is how he's able to mask all of it. I'm not sure why I'm writing this here anyway, as if I would expect a reply :/ Either way, I'm still praying a miracle will turn him back around.

About that other him, I can't say he's even near getting over, but he is getting on. Inside he's still hurting, but I'm glad he voices it. I've come to realize how much I really know the guy, how similar to myself he is. I know he'll make it through, even though a part of him has been lost, he'll find the will to strive. 

As for her, I'm in not much of a position to say. Of course she misses you the most, but she's strong. Real tough. Wish there was more for me to say, but sadly not.

Your good friends and the ones I care for so much. Obviously, I miss you too, but no worries. I know what must be done, more or less I know what you would have wanted too anyway. Metal is forged by fire. 

My Awesome Mind

When I really need a voice. Someone, anyone, to hear. When I really need a comforting presence, for my tears without reason. When I need an ear, to sort my confusion. The unique sense of loneliness, longing just to be wanted. Sometimes, I understand and am able to empathize, to feel what it is you've been through, what you're going through. This mighty force which overwhelms, seemingly overpowering even the strongest of my will. Like a soldier who gives up fighting for his life, when he hears the trumpet sounding retreat on a battlefield close to home. The battle took everything worth living for, and left only pointless blood shed. You can't live fighting someone else's war. 

Cause' I love you so

Bumblebee

It's funny cuz it's awesome :D 

REVIEW TIME !!!

Transformers 2 : Revenge of the fallen

+3 rating : Great action sequences, although rather similar to the first movie. Introduction of more transformers, providing more variety. Visual effects were awesome. 

-2 rating : Confusing plot, lacked purpose. Brief introduction of characters, causing confusion over who was good and who was bad. Most of the show was just run and gun. 

+2 rating : Megan Fox, Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, awesome looking cars and robots. Every boy's dream. 

Overall, well worth my $6

If you wanted me to, I'd do it. 

Why can't we be friends

Frankly speaking, during the holidays my brain has sort of died. I'm unable to think of anything productive to blog about. Or perhaps simply lazy to. Oh well, maybe a lack of inspiration would be at fault.

Lord, please never ever let me grow old and frail. At least let me die peacefully in my sleep never having to, make use of adult diapers, lose my memory, live in an old folks home or lose all my hair. Visiting the hospital today was depressing, looking at the state of the people in there. Lying there with nothing to do, little to hope for. One of my greatest fears would be uselessness. I never want to become a burden, an unproductive human being, barely alive. My aim is to save up enough in my working years, never have to fully rely on my children to support me, die when I've completed my life's purpose, and leave my children enough but not too much for inheritance. Yupp, that would be pretty great. 

I know this sounds pretty pathetic.

Come to think of it, if I do have a 'best friend' right now, it would probably be this very blog you're reading. Everything that troubles me is spilt out here, every record of my doings and activities for as far as I care to mention, are here. When I'm bored, I blog. When I'm lonely, I blog. 

Been feeling an increasing sense of loneliness recently. Probably holiday sickness, but yet, it's different.

"If you wanna cry, I'll punch you! 

If you're hungry, bite me!"

- From the script of 'The Seventeen Year Old Virgin'

As Always

Honestly...

There are facts I would rather avoid.

Knowledge has it's troubles.

I'm slow in getting the point.

I'm left with simple reasons that bring large consequence.

I've given up fighting on all fronts.

Wisdom does not operate alone.

Joy keeps me alive.

Growing up is a heck of a complicated thing. You start questioning things. Knowledge becomes malleable, it brings about confusion. Sometimes it's best to stick to child-like faith. To simply believe with no questions asked. To trust in what you do not see, to hope in what you do not know. But I still keep holding on, refusing to sacrifice and entrust. And then I find myself standing upon broken promises of difference. 

Joy has no cost and infinite value. 

With regret in my heart...

I'm off again. To school this time, I know my blog has lacked my usual kind of post for a while, but been too busy. Miss me, people. I'm so depressed I got no tags D: Where'd you fun people go!?!?! 

Be back tuesday evening. Shooting camp, wish me luck! :D

Seriously, I miss you people.

Win it, for the world.

Choices, deduction, luck, opportunity, difference. 

In all honesty I sometimes find it impossible to choose what's right

3 days later.

It's the 3rd day now, and I'm sad it could last no longer. 

I'm back from kelong. Gotta say, it was more fun and eventful than I expected. 

Hmm, started well, the food was fine, the fish caught were reasonably sized, the planks were sturdy, the bed soft enough. What more could I ask for? Of course the sun was sizzling, but the perfect sea 'breeze' totally made up for it. I think compared to the wind we get here in Singapore, the 'breeze' there is more like hurricane winds. 

Had a rather bleak outlook when I saw who I had for company, but turns out they were all fun and everything was great :) hours spent spamming bride. Especially enjoyed the first night where we just sat around, enjoyed the wind and talked. How much I miss the old days and the old friends. 

Hmmm the toilets were quite disgusting but I survived and I'm back to hot showers and pressurized water, thank God. 

Oh yes, I got tanner, hooray! With minimal burn too, but I barely touched my book.

p.s. I LOVE MY MP3!!!!!!

BYE PEEPS

Ok, sorry I lost my daily updates habit, so here's one.

Dear diary,

I enjoyed today, although the cramps are totalllllyyy killing me. Seriously I'm not exaggerating when I say I can't walk and the pain's killing me. Life's good. Nothing much for me to say.

Pete

NOTE: PEEPS! I'm away from tomorrow till saturday morning/ afternoon. Love me, miss me, never leave me :D 

Hillsongs United- Yours Forever

The song is on youtube, go search it! totally rocks man. 

Say His Name within the darkest hour
And see His light illuminate our path
The road is narrow but our gaze is set
On the love of Christ ‘til the very end

We walk in the truth that overcame our sin
Leaving our past and how we once had lived
Giving our lives to see
Your Name made known
‘Cause the love of Christ is what the world needs most

So Lord
Lead us in the ways of Your love
To lead a broken world to Your cross
Lead us in the ways of Your love

We are Yours forever
Our lives won’t be the same
Yours forever our eyes won’t turn away
Yours forever

We sing Your praises ‘til our lungs give out
To the hope of the world
The One who gave us life
Giving our lives to see
Your Name made known
‘Cause the love of Christ is
What the world needs most

We are Yours forever
Our lives won’t be the same
Yours forever our eyes won’t turn away
Yours forever our lives won’t be the same
Yours forever our eyes won’t turn away

We’re living in the One who gave
His life to see our sin erased
We know
We know
Our hope is never gonna fade away

Yours Forever.

In all honesty, I do not know. My guesses only go this far, any further would be beyond my comprehension. What I've been doing thus far has been mere wishing. You see, the theory works this way. If you don't stick a leg out, it can't be shot off. Or so I choose to believe. But yet again, the logic is flawed, there must be more.

Typical, I know it but yet I choose blissful ignorance. And there must always be more, for being human I'll never know it all. But is this more meant for me?

Oh, by the by, franny is a real fun, awesome, cool, person who I totally enjoy chatting with on msn (she insisted that I write this :D)

It could all change in a moment, if you dared.

You only get one shot at life.

Time ain't ours to waste. 

Everyday is different. If you think carefully, living isn't actually all routines. Everyday there's some new little thing, even if it may be just a change of words perhaps, that isn't insignificant.

We've all only got one chance at life, so you gotta take it right. Everyone is unique, but that also makes everything the same. So we gotta find what defines us, and make it more obvious. Set yourself apart from the world, for all the right reason. There are 2 things you need to invest in, character and talent. Talent is needed to survive in the secular world, which we all cannot avoid. Character, that's to show the world you're different, you're better. 

Hey ling-fungi and belly, GET WELL SOON :D 

Qiaoyi, enjoy NDP yea :D:D for you know what reasons.

Dear diary, 

It's been a good week, yeap. Filled with disappointment and regret, I dare say. But yet, there's so much nice to counter that. Nothing much accomplished, probably due to the number of hours I spent at safra this week. Nothing much else has happened. Haha, I love.

pete

I miss you.

I'm starting to think if it could get any worse. You warned me before hand, but still I can't say it was what I expected. It was worse. Where did the boy I once knew disappear to? How much life can desperation steal from you before you chase it away. Or maybe it's something else, something more sinister. You tell me it's love, I say it's immature foolishness. You claim you'll never regret it, I beg to differ. If you do in fact never come to regret it, it will only be because you never got the chance to. 

WHY walk down the path marked with death and suffering, and on your own free will. 

Truthfully, I can't get you off my mind. Keeps me up at night. Sometimes I worry, other times I dream. Is it just me, or has so much changed? Circumstances permitting, I would have voiced my thoughts. 

When I think about love, I don't see some mushy sweet emotion. It's so much more. It requires commitment, passion, perseverance, sacrifice, genuine care, and selflessness. Loving is a way of living. 

Can't hide the facts and feelings.

Truthfully, I'm deeply disappointed in myself. I've got nothing to say now that it's over, but least I saved the tears for another day. 

Hmmm, I shan't lose hope and defeat myself. Not again. 

Life, a path of Truth.

Guided by Faith.

Made worthy with Joy

Refined by Discipline

Rewarded with Peace

Given meaning through Love

Past the great gates

Into the beauty of the inner gardens.

The sky may darken and thunder may roar,

But still I will sing, blessed be Your name.

When trouble descends and chaos erupts,

In You my trust will be.

Though the world may deceive and people betray,

With You the truth shall shine.

Jefferson Airplane

Dear diary, 

It's tomorrow! Time passes real quick. I can't say I'm ready to be the first but, I still gotta try my best. It'd be perfect if I managed to break at least one barrier tomorrow and beat myself. I'm being optimistic and this time I don't think I'll take defeat too lightly. Or at least I won't let myself get trashed. 

I have yet to carry out the plans I've had for this holiday, kinda disappointed in myself I guess. I've put on weight, oh no. Hmmmm, really starting to miss people and hanging out now. 

Pete

Busy bee.

Image, external and internal. The external image one portrays is always a reflection of what is on the inside, but the extent of this reflection and how much truth it shows is an entirely different matter. Only yourself, God and perhaps a select few can see the what's really inside. 

Our outward appearance matters a lot. Even though they always say that what you are inside is the most important, it is still undeniable that physical appearance determines the first impression. Our physical appearance is determined by the way we act, the way we dress, the words we say, our physique. How we look is what strangers always notice first, then the way we carry ourselves, and lastly they decipher for themselves what kind of person you are. 

I must stress the importance of taking care of one's own body. Not everyone is given a perfect figure, but we must do what we can to maintain a healthy and somewhat fit physical being. It gives the impression of someone who is responsible enough to keep a tab on their health and who is also physically capable of carrying out any necessary tasks. 

The way we carry ourselves. This is the easiest way of determining all the traits of a person. From self esteem to responsibility, our manners and speech show the world these characteristics. The smallest details like an uncertain smile or perhaps the dragging of feet, will be noticed and evaluated whether you like it or not. 

What we are outside must tally with who we are on the inside, or we'd be living a lie. Values don't build themselves. Each person must have clear black and white differentiation  when it comes to what is right and what is wrong. You must stand for something, if not you'll fall for everything. 

Be sure to build up on who you are and this will be reflected to the world around. Living a lie never works, so it's up to you to decide. 

I wonder... 

Hmm, busy me.

Ok, no time for a proper post. Just something to fill in the number of posts per month, and to not make it seem as if my blog has been forgotten :D Just that my weekend kinda busy yea, forgive me those who actually bother to read my blog. Oh ya, I love you guys who actually read, like really!

And another note to self (like really, note to SELF :D) Image. Discipline. Faithfulness. Humility.

I miss you people so bad :) 

Hi, again....

Alright, I'm here again because.... I got nothing else to do, my computer is laggy, and youtube hates me. Fine, I'm also feeling quite lost and helpless, but oh well. 

Hey hey, where'd your smile go?  What's over, we cannot change. I know I don't fully understand. But it pains me all the same. 

Sometimes all it takes is hard work.

Truthfully, do we treasure the things GIVEN to us as much as the stuff we EARN? When you go through the (sometimes painful) process of working for something, it somehow has more value to it. 

Pricelessness, perhaps it's because time can never be bought, or maybe we all believe our own effort is worth more than everything else this earth contains. Sure, when someone gives you something there may be sentimental value about it, but does this overpower the worthiness that overwhelms you when you gain something material or otherwise. 

I noticed the way I live is very much governed by this. Of course I enjoy the easy ways to stuff sometimes, but when I really want something, I put in my all to get it. In doing so, the original joy of completing the task or getting that certain something, gets amplified. Sometimes things have to be done the hard way, so you learn to treasure, to appreciate. So hardwork is justified.

Ok, I had something on my mind while typing this. The one or two who might know what that is, hehe sshhhhhhh :D

Looking back...

It's amazing how much I fail to notice how time changes the face of the world. It may be only 15 years and yet I'm able to look back, laugh, and remember the days... I wonder what it'll be when I'm 50. Now that's all in the past. Foolishness, childish desires, wishful thinking. But inside, everything has remained. That's the part of me that'll always stay. The dreams that will come true, by hook or by crook. What the world can never take from me. 

Hmmm when I'm too bored, I blog. As such, there'll probably be a spike in posts this month. hhmmmm

Just one moment will make a lifetime worth it.

It means the world to me. Everything I live for, every rule I live by. It's not something I'll drop in an instant. It gives me the peace of mind to crash through trouble. It gives me reason for everything good. It's how I see the beauty in the world. It's the only thing that gives power to outshine evil. It's simple, lasts for eternity, and is unchangeable. It's Agape. 

When all else fails, I still love.

Don't let go of hope.

Take some time, think about how much worse life would be if you didn't dare believe for something better. 

The world tells me that when I dream I'll only get disappointed.

The world tells me that when I love I'll only get hurt.

The world tells me life should be enjoyed this way and that.

The world tells me I'm wasting my time.

The world tells me my determination will amount to nothing.

I say otherwise.

Love knows not boundaries.

Dear diary,

It's back to haunt me yet again, oh confusion, my greatest nemesis. It's like reading a roadsign which points both ways. hmm perhaps that is what it is. 

It'll be a success, this holiday. I won't spend it complaining, or simply slacking. I'll get stuff done, and I'll enjoy doing it. Yupp, that's my goal. And I'm gonna reach it.

Pete

hey peeps

Away from today till tomorrow afternoon. No other updates for today :D don't miss me. Ok fine, I'm like talking to myself.... bla bla update coming tomorrow night. CIAO~

The world.

NOTE: The following passage will probably not make sense to many. This is not because you cannot understand stuff, but simply because the whole passage is about not understanding. 

The World. What exactly is it... The basic concept is indeed simple but this is only because we have condensed and simplified so much of it and in the process so much meaning has been lost.

 The earth, our physical world. Our social circles, the emotional world. And our mind, the psychological world. These are not at all simple. It doesn't take a genius to know that no person with infinite vocabulary or extreme gifts in understanding, would ever be able to define or explain our worlds. It's made up of connections, links, people... All of which can not be expressed by any human, animal nor computer ever created. The beginning and the end we cannot fantom or imagine, neither can we pre determine the course of everything.

However, this very complicatedness of our world, and our inability to ever understand it, does lead to only one conclusion. That the world is in fact, much to the contrary, simple. Amazing but quite true. For we will never be able to grasp the full depth of knowledge, what little we know and understand could therefore be argued to be a lot, and that simplifies the matter. To simply understand that we will never understand, makes the world a simple place. 

Are you ready for eternity?

Ok, let's start with the basic fact that the world has trouble understanding. Eternity does exist and you can choose to spend it in heaven, or in hell. The choice is a simple and obvious one. However, the world is filled with fools who see otherwise. Where you go for eternity depends on what you do during your 'lifetime' on earth. 

The path you take in your present life sets the course for eternity. The right path may also be the toughest and possibly the less enjoyable of the two. But would you rather suffer for the rest of eternity, or enjoy it? 

Right now the choice of path may seem easy to make, but would you be able to stick to the right path through out? To abide with God all the way? It's the tough life I'm talking about. The one where you have to do what's right at all costs. Sure we all make mistakes from time to time, that's why grace and forgiveness exist. That's why God would never leave us nor forsake us.

From the outside, doing what is right may not look as fun, or thrilling. But when you do what's right, there is this sense of accomplishment about it, this peace. Trouble will come looking for you and criticism will flow, but at the end of the day the reality is that the good guys always win. Cliched, but true. This all also comes with great promises that can never be broken. You'll never be alone through it all. 

The bad path. It's tempting, very very tempting. If an analogy could be put to it, it would probably be like the candy house in the story of hansel and gretel. It's laid with nicely decorated sin and harmful desires. To any normal human this looks like the way to live it to the fullest, but that's only for the temporary lifetime. Smoking, drinking, gambling, just to name a few. These are what constitute the bad path.

At a young age, the stuff the world does seems to be the easiest way to being accepted and well liked. But we often fail to look beyond that, to see the future implications. The chinese have a saying, that you either choose to taste the bitter then the sweet, or the sweet then the bitter. This is the same, for both paths will satisfy your desires, it's just a matter of how long the bitter and the sweet last. 

And so I leave you with this, how will you live? For the present, or for the future and for eternity?

Don't mess up this beautiful world.

It's because of losers like you. Bloody wastage of resources, wastage of effort, wastage of friggin everything. Have you freaking lost your mind or are you really that lost. So much so that your senses, your bloody common sense, has been abandoned. 

Seriously, I'm confused. The only reason I can find, is that you're weak. You're weak and extremely stupid. I wonder why I give more of a damn than you yourself. But really, it's not you that suffers right now. It's the rest of the bloody world around you. Why willingly walk down the tough road leading to the pits of hell when you don't have to. Why ignore road signs when they're set right in front of your stubborn nose. 

I wash my hands off the matter.

Where to next?

No, I'm not going to get caught up. No, I'm not gonna be beat by myself. 

Just not ready to take the world in a head on collision. I may know the war is won, but losing the battle still doesn't feel right. Of what use is it.

Brain VS Heart.

Emotions and logic. Not as far apart as people perceive, but still could be very different. 

Emotion, is who we are. A person's intensity of emotion, or perhaps lack of it, determines just about everything in that person's life. Emotion firstly affects a person's social life. How much emotion we feel, how much of it we're able to contain, it changes the way we talk to others. The impression we give others, the kind of people who we will be more likely to befriend. 

Emotion is fiery, it has flair, more zest and color. It is the basis of passion, impulse, and so much more. Perhaps it cannot be stopped, but containment is key. The importance and power of emotion cannot be ignored. After all, it is stirred up by inspiration, forming determination which I explicitly stated to be a near unstoppable power, in my earlier writings. 

Logic, the one thing that often battles our emotions. The reason this occurs is because we often want our way, even if it may not be the right way. This constant battle between emotion and logic sometimes makes the right way to also be the hardest way. Logic is our knowing of what should be done. It is based on a build up of past experience, and our ability to link these experiences to current situations, allowing us to have a probable forecast of the implications of our actions. 

However even with the gift of logical thinking, we often choose to ignore it. Perhaps it is stupidity, but I prefer to believe it is this sense of adventure in us, to try the unknown. Sometimes it works out and emotion proves fruitful, but just about as often, everything would have been better had logic prevailed. 

Eventually, decisions have to be made and paths formed. Whether the right way or not, it's up to individuals to decide. Will you let logic light your path or let emotion spur you on?

Goalpost

Buggeraye. Say it again. 

Imma back, yo.

(Wrote this for fun, it's the closest I can come to describing  my memory of the first time I got lost in a mall when I was around 3 I think.)

A slight overdose of adventure. One step, followed cautiously by another. A little further to that shiny light just out of reach. Got it! Oh no, a sea of legs and dangling hands is all I see. What have I done? Where is everyone? Have I been forgotten? Panic, pounding heart. Can't hold it in any longer. Someone MUST hear my ear-piercing cry! It cannot be that simple to drown out! Oh wait, I'm moving. Mama? Is that she carrying me? Oh golly, I can't see through my tear filled eyes. Oh, the people are talking to me. Where is my family, they ask. If only I could just speak between my sobbing breaths. Alright, got it out, let's go look for them. Quick quick! I'm getting scared of this adventure. Wait, wait! You're bringing me away! They're behind! That way! Oh yes! Finally! Let me down, let me run to mama! 

Dear diary

I've got only 13 days left to train for my upcoming competition. Doesn't feel like quite enough. But as I often tell others, I can only work with what I have and hope for the best. I've had a look and the competitors look tough. Worries me somehow. 

There are troubles that come with honest advice. The times I spend pondering, considering. Perhaps? But rather, not. 

Music truly is beautiful. If my life could be depicted in any way, I would choose a piano piece. 

Peter

You're beautiful

Goodnight dear world.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Today I stand at the gates of heaven crying out.

A promise made, is a promise to be fulfilled. A goal set, is a goal to be reached. A dream dreamt, is one to realize. 

Are you ready? Are you ready for the moment where regret will no longer be entertained. When pain will no longer be existent. When the years of your life become as insignificant as the dust in the wind. 

That's why I'm living this way. I don't wanna be caught off-guard. 

The week that was 18-24 may

Dear diary,

Yet another week passed. It was quite what I expected, nothing I can complain about, so much I can be thankful for. Hmmm the realization of how tough the coming 3 weeks are gonna be has hit me hard. I was still expecting to have countless hours to waste with stoning. Turns out at least half of even the coming week is already taken up by shooting. Perhaps no school will free up some time. I still believe I have a problem with authority, I don't listen when I don't want to. Oh well, that needs working on. Not many significant events to note... Life is still on schedule and I remain in the great divide. 

Leaving behind a legacy,

Peter

My all.

You are my strength when I am weak

You are my smile when I am sad

You are my light when I am lost

You are my comforter and friend

You are my all in all

I start with repentance and end with praise and thanksgiving. 

Dear one, 

There are things in life that require time to change.  When things don't work out, it's fine to cry. Miracles do happen but you must believe and persist. Sometimes we search for reason, but sometimes it's better to simply have faith. By grace, effort will not be put to waste. By grace tears will not be without redemption. By grace happiness will find it's rightful place. The will of God is not ours to question.

With love,

Peter

Now.

A tad too much, too blatantly true. I wonder how much of it is a mask. Now I question the one I trust, now I question myself. For only a person, a sincere heart, could hope for more. Would it come to pass. Are my dreams that of a fool. From the surface the eye can only see so deep. Such joy, shaken with a deadly dose of regret. It should not be. 

As always, right where I should be.

Here's an equation for everyone. Inspiration X Motivation = Determination. 

Inspiration.

It's something that comes to us on its own. Sure, we can go looking for inspiration, but the best inspiration is always given. It's a spark, an igniter. It sets off an interest within us, a passion perhaps, that drives us far and wide. Inspiration comes at any time, be it high or low. It affects any situation, it changes anyone. But inspiration is nothing without the fuel to the fire, otherwise called, motivation.

Motivation.

Motive. Having a distinct direction or destination to work towards. How motivated we are is how much we want something. How much we're willing to work, to sacrifice, to see an end result. Motivation itself is a sum of multiple factors, brought on by jealousy, greed, purpose, perhaps even boredom and of course multiple other factors that go un noticed. 

Determination.

A seemingly unstoppable force when set in the right direction. Pure willpower to complete something, to change something. Determination does not avoid trouble and failure, it overpowers it. It affects people around, it transforms worlds. However, it can be set in the wrong direction. This of course, would be rather catastrophic. I prefer to think of it being more of a catalyst and a plus point. At the end of the day, determination ranks second only to the will of God.

Oh gosh, no.

Fine, I am ego :D 

For the record, I'm mostly content with my results and am more determined than ever to do well for my math next semester. 

That light to the path.

Don't be discouraged, keep strong. The strength in my stand remains. The flame in my heart burns bright. The end has begun. 

Lead the way.

Slow down, look again. Look at the bright side.

I sense it is nearing. Time is no more on our side. It's about time to step up and lead the world, into the new millennia. 

Dear diary,

I'm happy with my new gun :) soccer with the guys has been real fun for like the past week, but it's starting to take its toll on me. Injuries here and there, think I'll take a break. All looks bright for now, and I'm ready for whatever comes my way I hope. Well, results are quite as I expected I guess, only got myself to blame. Friends.... looking better. The hope and joy within me is bursting at its seams again. 

With hope,

Peter

Who am I? - Casting Crowns

Who am I? 
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I? 
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours. 

Who am I? 
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I? 
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.


I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours. 

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.


I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours..
I am yours..

Sportswaffen Steyr LP 10

I. GOT. MY. NEW. GUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whee like FINALLY my dream come true. Oh yea :D 739928 is it's name. I'll go all out with it, I'm out to win and nothing less.

Let's think about possible and probable today.

The difference, possible is everything. Probable... only some things. Anything can happen, it's just whether it is more likely to happen, or less likely. So technically speaking luck does exist, when something happens when there was only a small percentage of probability in the matter, that can be called luck. 

Probability may exist as a brick wall in our lives, something that stops us from dreaming. It makes us believe that it would be impossibly difficult for something to happen. But probability can be changed, or perhaps even avoided. Sheer human will. It has all the power to tip the scales, to give more of a chance. But as always, it can backfire if not carefully used. 

It's all a game of determination and given factors which can or may be edited to certain limitations. 

Found love beyond all reason.

post #101

These little things, these random thoughts, that shape my day, mould my life.

Have you ever wondered

Of the things this world beholds

Have you ever wondered

Of the power of love alone

Step back and look around

It exists before your eyes

Love and Hope

The fuel to the fire

My fire.

Peace and Joy

My reward.

Friends and Family

My support.

Words and truth

My weapons.

This world and you

My reason.

Step out of that shell, allow that seed of joy to grow. A plant cannot survive without sunlight, friendships cannot happen without communication.

Hey there! I miss you!

6 feet under. That's where the old one lies.

It's brilliant isn't it? The beauty of it all. The hope that powers, the wisdom that guides. 

You over there, think. Think. One simple word, with limitless implications. The way you think defines who you are. Are you a pessimist, a guarded optimist or a full out right winger. 

Do you believe in what others dare not hope for. Do you dig deeper into truths and dare to understand what power it beholds. 

Or are you afraid, afraid of the truth, that it might hurt to know so much has been lies. Are you only scraping the surface with your thoughts, unable to reach the essence of life's lessons. 

So now I ask, who are you? We can't live double lives. There is only one. We can keep our thoughts hidden, but we can't lie to the world about who we are. For then, one only fools himself. Drop the pretense, know what defines you, let the world see. A life spent alone is worthless and torturous. 

Truly, is there more for me than I have ever dreamed of having? 

Yes. More than your young mind can imagine.

Thanks.

Oh, heck.

You're a pathetic bastard, you know that? Seriously man, what the friggin heck do you think you're doing. Don't bullshit yourself, the last person you can ever lie to. Figure it, face it, get over it.  Now, enough of that nonsense and on with the work. Problems won't fix themselves and disbelieve doesn't equate. 

Yes peter, I'm talking to you. 

Found love, beyond all reason.

They've done it again. Mancheter United are champions of England. 

Now, to the point. I'm awfully exhausted physically. The outcome of a week of soccer and fun. Mentally, I'm distraught. Emotionally, I'm lost. Why now, Peter. Because You're growing! 

This emptiness, this loneliness I feel, there's gotta be a reason behind it. There must be more than this. I'm not meant to live like that, I'm meant for something greater. Now what is it I must do to correct my path? Why is it I feel so alone, so rejected from those around me. I figure it's just me. But yet again, sometimes I'm wrong. I've far too much time to let my mind wander now, let it fly with the wind. That's not getting too great a result, now is it. No matter what i know where I stand and who I am anyway.

Know this, I'm not letting go. Through the tough, through it all. What has been will always be. I'm holding on tight no matter what. I love

A plate of truth, please.

Now, that's about it. 

Help can only be rendered if it is first accepted. It works that way. So again I'm asking, why is the world afraid of help!? Why does the world deceive and hide so much and by doing so, forcefully reject help. In every aspect. 

Dear diary,

I feel discouraged. I know not why. I'm uncertain as to what it is about, but my imagination does stretch that far. 

Yes, I've concluded. I simply think too far. But the fear of it becoming truth does bring me down.

Is it fear? Oh perhaps that is what I missed. I'm afraid. I fear the worst case scenario. 

With unease and discomfort,

Peter

Do the world a favour.

Ok, look. Life sucks, it's unfair. This world is cruel it does not deserve whatever it is you have to give. FINE. Now, get over it, or bloody well get lost. 

Seriously, I'm getting sick of people whining too much. Once in a while, stuff does happen to make us feel that way but hell, not everyday. Stop being selfish, everyone has some right to bullshit about how crap their life is, so stop making everyone listen to your sob stories. 

Think about it, if you think you're that worthless, if you think no one gives a damn about you, what the heck are you still doing around? Truthfully, why is it you people find the truth so friggin hard to see. You've got friends who love you, friends who care. Your family cares, and you just don't bloody believe. Love isn't that unavailable, if you bothered to open your eyes

Hey stoner, if you're reading this, smile. Your friends are still there :) If there's no reason to be glum, there sure is reason to be happy. I miss thee

A peak into my life.

I went to get roasted today :) beach, water and sun. 

Haha, wherever I am, my mind wanders there. Just some of me, I guess. There's just too much of hope and smiles in me, oh yeah. 

Why do the stars shine for us. Why do animals submit to us. Why was intelligence given to us. Why were we given joy.

Because grace exists. 

Oh, bugger it.

I hope not.

I pray not.

I think maybe.

I see maybe.

I feel maybe.

Buggeraye. Screw it.

Smile, Peter. You're not alone. Remember that song? Yes, the one that saved you. 

Interesting....

Hello.

Pain.

Very.

Throbbing.

Worth it, perhaps.

Should I?

Naa, could have after effects. 

Exams.

Over. 

Yay.

Happy. 

Soccer + sun = headache. bleah.

Unchanging?

Dear friends, 

Our biggest worry is about to pass. Our hardwork and time is about to pay off. One last bit, let's reach out and grab what is ours. 

Dear diary,

It's still the same after this rather long while. Perhaps indifference is creeping in. Like how ships can be sunk by mere holes in an otherwise impenetrable hull. Complacency, is that it? And I noticed, it's not that it stopped, it just changed direction! Alas, revelation. 

I'm not sure if I'm quite ready to step up and claim the podium. Is my moment of glory before me? Or has my chance passed, the window closed. Will I be able to excel through the coming weeks of intensive staring, and be the best. I was wrong when I thought I could forget about it for a moment. Looking back, it's part of what defines me. People know me by it. Amongst other things, of course. 

With conviction and determination,

Peter. 

Lord, forgive me.

People, dear people. In your foolishness and insensitivity how many times have you insulted another? How many times have you laid curses on others without knowing their implications. I know I'm greatly guilty of this, for I have not understood how great the power of words are. 

Let this be a warning, a notice. The power of life and death lies in the power of the tongue. This is not something tough to understand. When you speak life, it happens. Truthfully! He who genuinely blesses another shall be blessed himself. He who curses another, shall have the curses turned back upon himself. 

It is tough, I know only too well. But seriously, would we not be living in a nice world if there was less of gossips and curses going around? On a lighter note, friends, I love ya'll. 

This is a personal post. Read ahead if you wish to, but don't ask me about it.

I'm sorry for the times I turned away, I'm sorry when I just didn't want to listen. 

Lord, I praise your name. Blessed be the name above all others. For even when times are bad You do not forsake me. You give and take away, but for each thing You take away, You only give me something better. 

Dear brother, in what way have I wronged you? Even in the folly of my immaturity, what have I done to deserve this. It pains me greatly each time you take a jab at it. I try not to show it, but my patience is wearing thin now. Is it wrong of me to fault you? Is it I who do not understand? 

For even when my enemies may seem to be many, and hope may seem hard to come by, in You my faith shall be. And I know, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. For so long as I abide in thee, so too shall You abide in me. For I was beautifully and wonderfully made, that no tongue shall insult me without facing the wrath of one who holds power. No one that blesses me shall leave without greater peace. 

I missed you.

Where is that place I cannot find, the one where I'll never feel out of place, anytime. What is this voice I hear, that I dare not believe.

It's a game of chance, am I right? Luck and chance, they're different. We gotta be to an extent, opportunists. It may not sound absolutely ethically right, but that's just it. Sometimes others make mistakes and you get to go one step further. Now, is doing that right? Perhaps no, but we still do it. If not, no one will really get anywhere.

It is the responsibility of the able to help the lesser. We all have our place, and those who can should do more. The argument that some are given lesser than others is valid. Some things, some people are just unable to do, so let them be and do something else. When the necessity arises to step up and do what's needed, we shouldn't hesitate. 

Buggeraye

You've crossed the line time and again but I've kept my cool so far. I'm not sure I'm gonna keep it in much longer, whether it results in implosion or explosion, that has yet to be decided. It seriously ticks me off and I wished you'd just grow up. It's an insult, a bloody disgrace. Seriously, it's my choice. It's always been and I'm not about to start listening to bullshit.



People, it's a game of determination. Partly anyways, he who dares, wins. 

I remember the days I ruled my world. The glory days, dare I say. It was different back then, nothing could bring me down. But I let flaws surface, I got careless. It becomes that way when you're complacent. I'm giving myself one last chance to make it right, my one last shot at redemption. If not it'll all fall away. 

And about that other matter, perhaps I'm trying too hard. Trying to hard too make things perfect. Trying too hard to be everyone that's needed. Perhaps I'm not doing it for others, perhaps all along it's been to comfort myself. But, what's over is over. I did put in some effort. 

oh, by the by...

Thanks you two. Yes, you. The jerk. HAHA! ok IF you happen to read this anyways. I really enjoyed the few days. Hope they continue. I know I know, now don't make a mole hill into a mountain. It's been great. And it's not everyday I type a post to say thanks to a few people. I hope the day pays off eventually, I believe it will.

Me.

This story begins with a boy. Me. I have little recollection of my toddler days and all I know is what I've been told. I grew up quite the coward, never daring to step out on my own. Or so I'm told. My life started off in a loving family. We weren't rich, but my parents made ends meet. I have no existing memories of my maternal grandpa and I'm not even sure if we ever existed at the same time. That's basically how it started, my dad, mum, sis and bro who are 4 and 3 years older than me, respectively.

Let's fast forward a few years till I was 4. I remember how I cried on my first day in school, and to think of how much I wished my mum would stay by my side for those few hours. The happy days of a nursery kid. Back then as most young kids, I had no idea who I really was. I used to think the teachers were mispronouncing my name, but it was actually me who was doing that. Gradually, I grew bit by bit. I noticed the older kids, they followed leaders. They dictated, and that seemed cool. I dreamt of the day I would sit at the back of the school bus and make all the noise I wanted. Oh what a childish desire now that I think back. But still that pretty much shows who I came to be.

I always wanted to be the best. Be the one the others would follow, out of foolishness or out of respect. Being a kid, there was this sense of pride when others wanted to be with you, popularity. There was this arrogance about being picked, knowing some way or another you were more capable. But I've come to learn there's nothing special about that, some people are just better at some stuff.

So that was me as a kid, perhaps next time you'll hear bout my other times growing up.

Hi

Feels good being back. Got so much on my mind, so little space to let it free. Ok absolutely random post here, don't bother to it. It's just me sorting my thoughts.



Why did I give up pondering over life's questions? I think it's cuz I found my answers. The answer that can never be confirmed or further thought over. I had exhausted it all. Now, do I believe what I say, do I believe myself to be who I am. I know. Yes, you do. Is this what you truly think will work, is that all the effort you could possibly muster. Are you not gonna regret one moment of it, not even the slightest bit. Are you gonna speak your mind when you feel it is right and shut up when it is not. Will you stand for the cause and nothing else but it with no compromise and no mistake. Will you.

Oh, hello there!

Good evening, world :) Day one of the fun week is over, and I am very very very sleepy. As usual I noticed coffee keeps me from sleeping but does not make me any more awake. That kinda sucks ya know. My mind's out, he's not in the mood for doing his job today, so it's just plain old me. Nothing that requires too much thought to understand.

Let me attempt to explain something simple about being happy. Being happy is what you want it to be. It does not require something special to happen, in fact it requires nothing at all. Understand? I'm serious, happiness is within yourself. The world may be going in the opposite direction and nothing much may be coming your way, but that's just part of the journey. As long as you know you're on the right path, eventually stuff will work out. That's why you can be happy. Just simply by knowing yourself.

The time has come

Let us stand tall, be strong. It's time to flaunt the power. Time to take hold of what is rightfully ours. March into battle with victory already in our hands.

Together, forever.

How often do you think about the end of life, the end of the world? I'm reading the signs, I see it coming faster and faster. And It's not paranoia. What would you do if you knew the earth was going to be wiped out and there was only one way to survive? What would you do if you found limitless love and joy? Who would you be?

I know. That's why I'm writing this, that's why I'm not regretting my decisions. Why let trivial stuff make me miserable. You should too. The end is near and it's your decision, and yours alone, to choose. We all will go through eternity, that's a long long long long time. So how are you gonna spend it? in suffering? or in paradise. If you know what I'm talking about, think about it. Know where you stand, know who you are.

It's not random coincidence, it's fulfilling of prophecy. It's like going down a highway and not reading the exit signs. Belief, people.



"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of it's own." Matthew 6:34

Now now, that's bout enough.

I've just bout had it with being in your shadow, never really getting to set out on my own. And with that nonsense of yours, gosh grow up. Seriously, through the years. Just..... grow up. I hope you noticed.





Dear diary,
I got a little pissed off about something just now. But I feel it wasn't wrong of me to do so. Perhaps It was partially my fault I let it happen, but still, people should be more understanding. I feel as if I just let another day slip by pointlessly, nothing much accomplished. I'm not like the rest, am I?

Peter.
1/5/09

Do thee?

Let there be light.

There was a savage, living in the deepest parts of the unknown amazon. A man of the jungle, brought up by the animals themselves. A life untouched by mordernization, free of humanity. He lived life day to day with ignorance of a world beyond and endless knowledge of whatever lay before him.

There came a time when the savage was out hunting his favorite snack in the dead of night, guided only by the natural light given by the stars and moon. There was nothing spectacular about the night. Just the natural ambience of a dimension, forgotten by one and all. It did not take long for the savage to find his prey, out grazing at a time when most predators would have already had their fill.

With ease, he stalked the creature. Ensuring his planned attack was with no flaws. A lifetime of experience had taught him to spot every loophole in his plan that could possibly exist and correct it. The moment came when it was right to attack, decapitate and devour. With something between a snarl and a roar the savage leaped out at the hapless animal, still foolishly chewing on its tasteless moss. Out of nowhere came a flash of blinding brilliance, far from anything to have ever graced the eyes of the savage. From between the trees the light shone on, as if the sun had dropped from the sky and joined the animals on earth.

Shock. The only word to describe the state the savage stood in, practically stuck to the spot where he stood. Slowly the light approached, capturing the attention of the savage so much that he did not notice the being carrying the light.

"HELLO!" And with this, the last bit of the puzzle was found, the earth held no more mysteries.