Are you ready for eternity?

Ok, let's start with the basic fact that the world has trouble understanding. Eternity does exist and you can choose to spend it in heaven, or in hell. The choice is a simple and obvious one. However, the world is filled with fools who see otherwise. Where you go for eternity depends on what you do during your 'lifetime' on earth. 

The path you take in your present life sets the course for eternity. The right path may also be the toughest and possibly the less enjoyable of the two. But would you rather suffer for the rest of eternity, or enjoy it? 

Right now the choice of path may seem easy to make, but would you be able to stick to the right path through out? To abide with God all the way? It's the tough life I'm talking about. The one where you have to do what's right at all costs. Sure we all make mistakes from time to time, that's why grace and forgiveness exist. That's why God would never leave us nor forsake us.

From the outside, doing what is right may not look as fun, or thrilling. But when you do what's right, there is this sense of accomplishment about it, this peace. Trouble will come looking for you and criticism will flow, but at the end of the day the reality is that the good guys always win. Cliched, but true. This all also comes with great promises that can never be broken. You'll never be alone through it all. 

The bad path. It's tempting, very very tempting. If an analogy could be put to it, it would probably be like the candy house in the story of hansel and gretel. It's laid with nicely decorated sin and harmful desires. To any normal human this looks like the way to live it to the fullest, but that's only for the temporary lifetime. Smoking, drinking, gambling, just to name a few. These are what constitute the bad path.

At a young age, the stuff the world does seems to be the easiest way to being accepted and well liked. But we often fail to look beyond that, to see the future implications. The chinese have a saying, that you either choose to taste the bitter then the sweet, or the sweet then the bitter. This is the same, for both paths will satisfy your desires, it's just a matter of how long the bitter and the sweet last. 

And so I leave you with this, how will you live? For the present, or for the future and for eternity?

Don't mess up this beautiful world.

It's because of losers like you. Bloody wastage of resources, wastage of effort, wastage of friggin everything. Have you freaking lost your mind or are you really that lost. So much so that your senses, your bloody common sense, has been abandoned. 

Seriously, I'm confused. The only reason I can find, is that you're weak. You're weak and extremely stupid. I wonder why I give more of a damn than you yourself. But really, it's not you that suffers right now. It's the rest of the bloody world around you. Why willingly walk down the tough road leading to the pits of hell when you don't have to. Why ignore road signs when they're set right in front of your stubborn nose. 

I wash my hands off the matter.

Where to next?

No, I'm not going to get caught up. No, I'm not gonna be beat by myself. 

Just not ready to take the world in a head on collision. I may know the war is won, but losing the battle still doesn't feel right. Of what use is it.

Brain VS Heart.

Emotions and logic. Not as far apart as people perceive, but still could be very different. 

Emotion, is who we are. A person's intensity of emotion, or perhaps lack of it, determines just about everything in that person's life. Emotion firstly affects a person's social life. How much emotion we feel, how much of it we're able to contain, it changes the way we talk to others. The impression we give others, the kind of people who we will be more likely to befriend. 

Emotion is fiery, it has flair, more zest and color. It is the basis of passion, impulse, and so much more. Perhaps it cannot be stopped, but containment is key. The importance and power of emotion cannot be ignored. After all, it is stirred up by inspiration, forming determination which I explicitly stated to be a near unstoppable power, in my earlier writings. 

Logic, the one thing that often battles our emotions. The reason this occurs is because we often want our way, even if it may not be the right way. This constant battle between emotion and logic sometimes makes the right way to also be the hardest way. Logic is our knowing of what should be done. It is based on a build up of past experience, and our ability to link these experiences to current situations, allowing us to have a probable forecast of the implications of our actions. 

However even with the gift of logical thinking, we often choose to ignore it. Perhaps it is stupidity, but I prefer to believe it is this sense of adventure in us, to try the unknown. Sometimes it works out and emotion proves fruitful, but just about as often, everything would have been better had logic prevailed. 

Eventually, decisions have to be made and paths formed. Whether the right way or not, it's up to individuals to decide. Will you let logic light your path or let emotion spur you on?

Goalpost

Buggeraye. Say it again. 

Imma back, yo.

(Wrote this for fun, it's the closest I can come to describing  my memory of the first time I got lost in a mall when I was around 3 I think.)

A slight overdose of adventure. One step, followed cautiously by another. A little further to that shiny light just out of reach. Got it! Oh no, a sea of legs and dangling hands is all I see. What have I done? Where is everyone? Have I been forgotten? Panic, pounding heart. Can't hold it in any longer. Someone MUST hear my ear-piercing cry! It cannot be that simple to drown out! Oh wait, I'm moving. Mama? Is that she carrying me? Oh golly, I can't see through my tear filled eyes. Oh, the people are talking to me. Where is my family, they ask. If only I could just speak between my sobbing breaths. Alright, got it out, let's go look for them. Quick quick! I'm getting scared of this adventure. Wait, wait! You're bringing me away! They're behind! That way! Oh yes! Finally! Let me down, let me run to mama! 

Dear diary

I've got only 13 days left to train for my upcoming competition. Doesn't feel like quite enough. But as I often tell others, I can only work with what I have and hope for the best. I've had a look and the competitors look tough. Worries me somehow. 

There are troubles that come with honest advice. The times I spend pondering, considering. Perhaps? But rather, not. 

Music truly is beautiful. If my life could be depicted in any way, I would choose a piano piece. 

Peter

You're beautiful

Goodnight dear world.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Today I stand at the gates of heaven crying out.

A promise made, is a promise to be fulfilled. A goal set, is a goal to be reached. A dream dreamt, is one to realize. 

Are you ready? Are you ready for the moment where regret will no longer be entertained. When pain will no longer be existent. When the years of your life become as insignificant as the dust in the wind. 

That's why I'm living this way. I don't wanna be caught off-guard. 

The week that was 18-24 may

Dear diary,

Yet another week passed. It was quite what I expected, nothing I can complain about, so much I can be thankful for. Hmmm the realization of how tough the coming 3 weeks are gonna be has hit me hard. I was still expecting to have countless hours to waste with stoning. Turns out at least half of even the coming week is already taken up by shooting. Perhaps no school will free up some time. I still believe I have a problem with authority, I don't listen when I don't want to. Oh well, that needs working on. Not many significant events to note... Life is still on schedule and I remain in the great divide. 

Leaving behind a legacy,

Peter

My all.

You are my strength when I am weak

You are my smile when I am sad

You are my light when I am lost

You are my comforter and friend

You are my all in all

I start with repentance and end with praise and thanksgiving. 

Dear one, 

There are things in life that require time to change.  When things don't work out, it's fine to cry. Miracles do happen but you must believe and persist. Sometimes we search for reason, but sometimes it's better to simply have faith. By grace, effort will not be put to waste. By grace tears will not be without redemption. By grace happiness will find it's rightful place. The will of God is not ours to question.

With love,

Peter

Now.

A tad too much, too blatantly true. I wonder how much of it is a mask. Now I question the one I trust, now I question myself. For only a person, a sincere heart, could hope for more. Would it come to pass. Are my dreams that of a fool. From the surface the eye can only see so deep. Such joy, shaken with a deadly dose of regret. It should not be. 

As always, right where I should be.

Here's an equation for everyone. Inspiration X Motivation = Determination. 

Inspiration.

It's something that comes to us on its own. Sure, we can go looking for inspiration, but the best inspiration is always given. It's a spark, an igniter. It sets off an interest within us, a passion perhaps, that drives us far and wide. Inspiration comes at any time, be it high or low. It affects any situation, it changes anyone. But inspiration is nothing without the fuel to the fire, otherwise called, motivation.

Motivation.

Motive. Having a distinct direction or destination to work towards. How motivated we are is how much we want something. How much we're willing to work, to sacrifice, to see an end result. Motivation itself is a sum of multiple factors, brought on by jealousy, greed, purpose, perhaps even boredom and of course multiple other factors that go un noticed. 

Determination.

A seemingly unstoppable force when set in the right direction. Pure willpower to complete something, to change something. Determination does not avoid trouble and failure, it overpowers it. It affects people around, it transforms worlds. However, it can be set in the wrong direction. This of course, would be rather catastrophic. I prefer to think of it being more of a catalyst and a plus point. At the end of the day, determination ranks second only to the will of God.

Oh gosh, no.

Fine, I am ego :D 

For the record, I'm mostly content with my results and am more determined than ever to do well for my math next semester. 

That light to the path.

Don't be discouraged, keep strong. The strength in my stand remains. The flame in my heart burns bright. The end has begun. 

Lead the way.

Slow down, look again. Look at the bright side.

I sense it is nearing. Time is no more on our side. It's about time to step up and lead the world, into the new millennia. 

Dear diary,

I'm happy with my new gun :) soccer with the guys has been real fun for like the past week, but it's starting to take its toll on me. Injuries here and there, think I'll take a break. All looks bright for now, and I'm ready for whatever comes my way I hope. Well, results are quite as I expected I guess, only got myself to blame. Friends.... looking better. The hope and joy within me is bursting at its seams again. 

With hope,

Peter

Who am I? - Casting Crowns

Who am I? 
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I? 
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours. 

Who am I? 
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I? 
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.


I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours. 

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.


I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
I am yours..
I am yours..

Sportswaffen Steyr LP 10

I. GOT. MY. NEW. GUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whee like FINALLY my dream come true. Oh yea :D 739928 is it's name. I'll go all out with it, I'm out to win and nothing less.

Let's think about possible and probable today.

The difference, possible is everything. Probable... only some things. Anything can happen, it's just whether it is more likely to happen, or less likely. So technically speaking luck does exist, when something happens when there was only a small percentage of probability in the matter, that can be called luck. 

Probability may exist as a brick wall in our lives, something that stops us from dreaming. It makes us believe that it would be impossibly difficult for something to happen. But probability can be changed, or perhaps even avoided. Sheer human will. It has all the power to tip the scales, to give more of a chance. But as always, it can backfire if not carefully used. 

It's all a game of determination and given factors which can or may be edited to certain limitations. 

Found love beyond all reason.

post #101

These little things, these random thoughts, that shape my day, mould my life.

Have you ever wondered

Of the things this world beholds

Have you ever wondered

Of the power of love alone

Step back and look around

It exists before your eyes

Love and Hope

The fuel to the fire

My fire.

Peace and Joy

My reward.

Friends and Family

My support.

Words and truth

My weapons.

This world and you

My reason.

Step out of that shell, allow that seed of joy to grow. A plant cannot survive without sunlight, friendships cannot happen without communication.

Hey there! I miss you!

6 feet under. That's where the old one lies.

It's brilliant isn't it? The beauty of it all. The hope that powers, the wisdom that guides. 

You over there, think. Think. One simple word, with limitless implications. The way you think defines who you are. Are you a pessimist, a guarded optimist or a full out right winger. 

Do you believe in what others dare not hope for. Do you dig deeper into truths and dare to understand what power it beholds. 

Or are you afraid, afraid of the truth, that it might hurt to know so much has been lies. Are you only scraping the surface with your thoughts, unable to reach the essence of life's lessons. 

So now I ask, who are you? We can't live double lives. There is only one. We can keep our thoughts hidden, but we can't lie to the world about who we are. For then, one only fools himself. Drop the pretense, know what defines you, let the world see. A life spent alone is worthless and torturous. 

Truly, is there more for me than I have ever dreamed of having? 

Yes. More than your young mind can imagine.

Thanks.

Oh, heck.

You're a pathetic bastard, you know that? Seriously man, what the friggin heck do you think you're doing. Don't bullshit yourself, the last person you can ever lie to. Figure it, face it, get over it.  Now, enough of that nonsense and on with the work. Problems won't fix themselves and disbelieve doesn't equate. 

Yes peter, I'm talking to you. 

Found love, beyond all reason.

They've done it again. Mancheter United are champions of England. 

Now, to the point. I'm awfully exhausted physically. The outcome of a week of soccer and fun. Mentally, I'm distraught. Emotionally, I'm lost. Why now, Peter. Because You're growing! 

This emptiness, this loneliness I feel, there's gotta be a reason behind it. There must be more than this. I'm not meant to live like that, I'm meant for something greater. Now what is it I must do to correct my path? Why is it I feel so alone, so rejected from those around me. I figure it's just me. But yet again, sometimes I'm wrong. I've far too much time to let my mind wander now, let it fly with the wind. That's not getting too great a result, now is it. No matter what i know where I stand and who I am anyway.

Know this, I'm not letting go. Through the tough, through it all. What has been will always be. I'm holding on tight no matter what. I love

A plate of truth, please.

Now, that's about it. 

Help can only be rendered if it is first accepted. It works that way. So again I'm asking, why is the world afraid of help!? Why does the world deceive and hide so much and by doing so, forcefully reject help. In every aspect. 

Dear diary,

I feel discouraged. I know not why. I'm uncertain as to what it is about, but my imagination does stretch that far. 

Yes, I've concluded. I simply think too far. But the fear of it becoming truth does bring me down.

Is it fear? Oh perhaps that is what I missed. I'm afraid. I fear the worst case scenario. 

With unease and discomfort,

Peter

Do the world a favour.

Ok, look. Life sucks, it's unfair. This world is cruel it does not deserve whatever it is you have to give. FINE. Now, get over it, or bloody well get lost. 

Seriously, I'm getting sick of people whining too much. Once in a while, stuff does happen to make us feel that way but hell, not everyday. Stop being selfish, everyone has some right to bullshit about how crap their life is, so stop making everyone listen to your sob stories. 

Think about it, if you think you're that worthless, if you think no one gives a damn about you, what the heck are you still doing around? Truthfully, why is it you people find the truth so friggin hard to see. You've got friends who love you, friends who care. Your family cares, and you just don't bloody believe. Love isn't that unavailable, if you bothered to open your eyes

Hey stoner, if you're reading this, smile. Your friends are still there :) If there's no reason to be glum, there sure is reason to be happy. I miss thee

A peak into my life.

I went to get roasted today :) beach, water and sun. 

Haha, wherever I am, my mind wanders there. Just some of me, I guess. There's just too much of hope and smiles in me, oh yeah. 

Why do the stars shine for us. Why do animals submit to us. Why was intelligence given to us. Why were we given joy.

Because grace exists. 

Oh, bugger it.

I hope not.

I pray not.

I think maybe.

I see maybe.

I feel maybe.

Buggeraye. Screw it.

Smile, Peter. You're not alone. Remember that song? Yes, the one that saved you. 

Interesting....

Hello.

Pain.

Very.

Throbbing.

Worth it, perhaps.

Should I?

Naa, could have after effects. 

Exams.

Over. 

Yay.

Happy. 

Soccer + sun = headache. bleah.

Unchanging?

Dear friends, 

Our biggest worry is about to pass. Our hardwork and time is about to pay off. One last bit, let's reach out and grab what is ours. 

Dear diary,

It's still the same after this rather long while. Perhaps indifference is creeping in. Like how ships can be sunk by mere holes in an otherwise impenetrable hull. Complacency, is that it? And I noticed, it's not that it stopped, it just changed direction! Alas, revelation. 

I'm not sure if I'm quite ready to step up and claim the podium. Is my moment of glory before me? Or has my chance passed, the window closed. Will I be able to excel through the coming weeks of intensive staring, and be the best. I was wrong when I thought I could forget about it for a moment. Looking back, it's part of what defines me. People know me by it. Amongst other things, of course. 

With conviction and determination,

Peter. 

Lord, forgive me.

People, dear people. In your foolishness and insensitivity how many times have you insulted another? How many times have you laid curses on others without knowing their implications. I know I'm greatly guilty of this, for I have not understood how great the power of words are. 

Let this be a warning, a notice. The power of life and death lies in the power of the tongue. This is not something tough to understand. When you speak life, it happens. Truthfully! He who genuinely blesses another shall be blessed himself. He who curses another, shall have the curses turned back upon himself. 

It is tough, I know only too well. But seriously, would we not be living in a nice world if there was less of gossips and curses going around? On a lighter note, friends, I love ya'll. 

This is a personal post. Read ahead if you wish to, but don't ask me about it.

I'm sorry for the times I turned away, I'm sorry when I just didn't want to listen. 

Lord, I praise your name. Blessed be the name above all others. For even when times are bad You do not forsake me. You give and take away, but for each thing You take away, You only give me something better. 

Dear brother, in what way have I wronged you? Even in the folly of my immaturity, what have I done to deserve this. It pains me greatly each time you take a jab at it. I try not to show it, but my patience is wearing thin now. Is it wrong of me to fault you? Is it I who do not understand? 

For even when my enemies may seem to be many, and hope may seem hard to come by, in You my faith shall be. And I know, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. For so long as I abide in thee, so too shall You abide in me. For I was beautifully and wonderfully made, that no tongue shall insult me without facing the wrath of one who holds power. No one that blesses me shall leave without greater peace. 

I missed you.

Where is that place I cannot find, the one where I'll never feel out of place, anytime. What is this voice I hear, that I dare not believe.

It's a game of chance, am I right? Luck and chance, they're different. We gotta be to an extent, opportunists. It may not sound absolutely ethically right, but that's just it. Sometimes others make mistakes and you get to go one step further. Now, is doing that right? Perhaps no, but we still do it. If not, no one will really get anywhere.

It is the responsibility of the able to help the lesser. We all have our place, and those who can should do more. The argument that some are given lesser than others is valid. Some things, some people are just unable to do, so let them be and do something else. When the necessity arises to step up and do what's needed, we shouldn't hesitate. 

Buggeraye

You've crossed the line time and again but I've kept my cool so far. I'm not sure I'm gonna keep it in much longer, whether it results in implosion or explosion, that has yet to be decided. It seriously ticks me off and I wished you'd just grow up. It's an insult, a bloody disgrace. Seriously, it's my choice. It's always been and I'm not about to start listening to bullshit.



People, it's a game of determination. Partly anyways, he who dares, wins. 

I remember the days I ruled my world. The glory days, dare I say. It was different back then, nothing could bring me down. But I let flaws surface, I got careless. It becomes that way when you're complacent. I'm giving myself one last chance to make it right, my one last shot at redemption. If not it'll all fall away. 

And about that other matter, perhaps I'm trying too hard. Trying to hard too make things perfect. Trying too hard to be everyone that's needed. Perhaps I'm not doing it for others, perhaps all along it's been to comfort myself. But, what's over is over. I did put in some effort. 

oh, by the by...

Thanks you two. Yes, you. The jerk. HAHA! ok IF you happen to read this anyways. I really enjoyed the few days. Hope they continue. I know I know, now don't make a mole hill into a mountain. It's been great. And it's not everyday I type a post to say thanks to a few people. I hope the day pays off eventually, I believe it will.

Me.

This story begins with a boy. Me. I have little recollection of my toddler days and all I know is what I've been told. I grew up quite the coward, never daring to step out on my own. Or so I'm told. My life started off in a loving family. We weren't rich, but my parents made ends meet. I have no existing memories of my maternal grandpa and I'm not even sure if we ever existed at the same time. That's basically how it started, my dad, mum, sis and bro who are 4 and 3 years older than me, respectively.

Let's fast forward a few years till I was 4. I remember how I cried on my first day in school, and to think of how much I wished my mum would stay by my side for those few hours. The happy days of a nursery kid. Back then as most young kids, I had no idea who I really was. I used to think the teachers were mispronouncing my name, but it was actually me who was doing that. Gradually, I grew bit by bit. I noticed the older kids, they followed leaders. They dictated, and that seemed cool. I dreamt of the day I would sit at the back of the school bus and make all the noise I wanted. Oh what a childish desire now that I think back. But still that pretty much shows who I came to be.

I always wanted to be the best. Be the one the others would follow, out of foolishness or out of respect. Being a kid, there was this sense of pride when others wanted to be with you, popularity. There was this arrogance about being picked, knowing some way or another you were more capable. But I've come to learn there's nothing special about that, some people are just better at some stuff.

So that was me as a kid, perhaps next time you'll hear bout my other times growing up.

Hi

Feels good being back. Got so much on my mind, so little space to let it free. Ok absolutely random post here, don't bother to it. It's just me sorting my thoughts.



Why did I give up pondering over life's questions? I think it's cuz I found my answers. The answer that can never be confirmed or further thought over. I had exhausted it all. Now, do I believe what I say, do I believe myself to be who I am. I know. Yes, you do. Is this what you truly think will work, is that all the effort you could possibly muster. Are you not gonna regret one moment of it, not even the slightest bit. Are you gonna speak your mind when you feel it is right and shut up when it is not. Will you stand for the cause and nothing else but it with no compromise and no mistake. Will you.

Oh, hello there!

Good evening, world :) Day one of the fun week is over, and I am very very very sleepy. As usual I noticed coffee keeps me from sleeping but does not make me any more awake. That kinda sucks ya know. My mind's out, he's not in the mood for doing his job today, so it's just plain old me. Nothing that requires too much thought to understand.

Let me attempt to explain something simple about being happy. Being happy is what you want it to be. It does not require something special to happen, in fact it requires nothing at all. Understand? I'm serious, happiness is within yourself. The world may be going in the opposite direction and nothing much may be coming your way, but that's just part of the journey. As long as you know you're on the right path, eventually stuff will work out. That's why you can be happy. Just simply by knowing yourself.

The time has come

Let us stand tall, be strong. It's time to flaunt the power. Time to take hold of what is rightfully ours. March into battle with victory already in our hands.

Together, forever.

How often do you think about the end of life, the end of the world? I'm reading the signs, I see it coming faster and faster. And It's not paranoia. What would you do if you knew the earth was going to be wiped out and there was only one way to survive? What would you do if you found limitless love and joy? Who would you be?

I know. That's why I'm writing this, that's why I'm not regretting my decisions. Why let trivial stuff make me miserable. You should too. The end is near and it's your decision, and yours alone, to choose. We all will go through eternity, that's a long long long long time. So how are you gonna spend it? in suffering? or in paradise. If you know what I'm talking about, think about it. Know where you stand, know who you are.

It's not random coincidence, it's fulfilling of prophecy. It's like going down a highway and not reading the exit signs. Belief, people.



"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of it's own." Matthew 6:34

Now now, that's bout enough.

I've just bout had it with being in your shadow, never really getting to set out on my own. And with that nonsense of yours, gosh grow up. Seriously, through the years. Just..... grow up. I hope you noticed.





Dear diary,
I got a little pissed off about something just now. But I feel it wasn't wrong of me to do so. Perhaps It was partially my fault I let it happen, but still, people should be more understanding. I feel as if I just let another day slip by pointlessly, nothing much accomplished. I'm not like the rest, am I?

Peter.
1/5/09